Your anger is keeping you from healing. If you want a good read, look at my thread in Infidelity. My anger was about to destroy me and it will destroy you as well. Okay, here's something that you can try. Get a plastic baseball bat and beat the bed with it, thinking of all the "rotten" things that has happened to you and give your bed a good beating for it. Then, breath deeply and feel the energy leaving your body. Do NOT, under any circumstances, take your anger out on your H. It will drive the wedge further!
Anger is a sin, just like adultry and guess what? One sin isn't worse than the other - it's ALL sin!
I too have a book that I would highly recommend. I'm still reading it as I read it everyday for inspiration, it is written by Joyce Meyer and it's called "Battlefield of the Mind." Cat, you've read some of my advise regarding the battle within your mind and you have to give that battle away. You've won - you're victorious as your H is back in the home. Now enjoy the fruits of the victory. Choose to love, choose to receive love, choose to forgive and choose to not be agry anymore. Yeah, you were dealt a rotten hand, but the cards folded - it's not rotten anymore. You have the ability to make it wonderful. Remember, love is patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongdoing, it is not proud or boastful. Also, Ephesians 4: 31-32 aagin worth quoting again.
31) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice 32)Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
I know it's hard, it's hard for me, but you you can do it.
Keep the faith and keep on keeping on. You've won your race, now collect the prize! Be happy!
