Cat...glad you started a new thread...read what you wrote on mine and it was nice. Welcome to Piecing (well, maybe I shouldn;t be the one to welcome you in my state of things ha ha ha ha)....

I understand what your'e going through. As much as it's confusing and weird in my state (separated and 0 contact)...the phase you're in is HARD. BUT, it's good. You have him home....now, it's work. Each day, each minute, each moment is hard work with definate rewards. I promise.

I think we all acknowledge that the WAS is a rollercoaster of emotions, but SO ARE WE....you will feel lucky some days, you will feel strong some days, you will feel low and hopeless some days. So, cut yourself a break. You're feeling this way b/c you're working so hard and getting nothing (or what seems like nothing) in return.

Count the small progress:

1) The BIGGEST of all is that you are back together
2) Also the BIGGEST is that you're self-aware and changing for the better...keep this up, this is all that really matters.
3) He is at least saying some positive things.

Remember, he has his own issues that prevent him from jumping back into things right now....you mentioned several of them (ADD, new job, etc). I try to keep myself grounded from the hopeless pity party by remembering all the things I did in M and that reminds me to be patient.

Honestly, you're expecting him to be enthused like you...he's not. He's not in your stage, he's a few steps behind, don't wreck things with your impatience. As long as he hasn't filed, you still have a chance.

Respect this: he's still with you, moved back home...that takes tremendous courage and faith. Although it doesn't seem like it, he's testing you every way, watching you every minute and remembering. I didn't think my H was, and then I found he did and it all made a difference....days were TOUGH, but your hard work really does make a difference. Be patient and thankful that you have his faith, still. Make good use of it....

Remember, regardless of what he says, the changes in you are for YOU, and good no matter the outcome. So, if you like the new you (which you do), then would you give that up if someone told criticized it? No. You just go on being you. Same goes here. H will say a lot of things to test...mine does....you just validate, say "I understand why you feel that way....seemingly sudden change in someone you came to believe could never change for years is hard to believe and jump into....we're humans and we have a memory for a reason...to protect us from repeated pain, and I understand." THEN, you don't get discourages, you just turn around and keep being YOU. Keep up the good work, and wait for his actions.

There was a time when H and I got back together that HE had changed drasticallty, for the better. I understand what he's going through, because I felt the same way then....didn't quite believe it....tested it, watched it, tested it. Same goes here....it's a test of your love, patience and forgiveness. Give it to him and undersatnd that he needs this now, and your turn will come.

So, give him space and time, to work through his issues that you have no ccontrol over. Then, you go about being happy, cheery, continuing your personal path of growht and new behaviors each day. Make them sincere, not just acting, make them sustainable and rewarding for YOU. Be yourself no matter what and DETACH.....most of us think that this ends when they come home, but I realized the hard way that we need to continue this as long as things are still in the "I'm confused" category. So, detach from H's moods, emotions, words, decisions. Just be you, center yourself, each day. Push through your intense lows, and just pull yourself back up.

This WILL make a difference. It did in my sitch (which took a weird turn around, but before that H really saw the differences and liked it).

First, learn to forgive yourself, allow yourself to grow, love yourself enough to change for a better you. Stay strong to this new person, find and center yourself in peace and strength each day. Don't view H's reactions/actions as personal to YOU....he's in a weird place now.....it's simple, you made mistakes, you're making amends and changing.....now it's his turn to do his part, and you can be patient for that, can't you? Didn't you promise that when you got married?

Sounds like you have lots of potential in your case....just stay the course. Don't get distracted by him. THis is good also, b/c being pulled by H's emotions and reactions is not healthy anyway....there will be times when you need to be strong and the foundation, now is one of them.