Pat, Our sex life slowed way down when he was in the A,but I was not aware he was at the time. It lasted 2 and a half yrs so the sex thing kept dropping off and I got the feeling he was avoiding me or he finally just gave up trying to be intimant with me. I had this uneasy feeling that we were drifting further and further apart, and I'd try to talk to him about it sometimes but he would get defensive and it would usually end up in a fight. It was during this time that I asked him a couple of times if he was haivng an affair. He lied of course,asking "when would I have time"? I chose to believe him . Finally we had a big fight one night and that's the night he left. He was gone 6 months and I could not understand why he was so distant from me ( although we remained intimant, mostly at my prompting) and why he would not come home or go to C. to try and work on us. At the end of the 6 months he finally agreed to go to counceling after a particulary emotioal night and it was 2 sessions into the C. that he admitted to the affair. I had to pull it out of him and say someone I knew saw him with this woman. IT was awful. I let him have it big time. HE called me crying and apologizing,promising to break it off with her. I was leaving the next week to take our S, D, and grandson to Florida for spring break. It was our S. 16th birthday while we down there and Adrian and my son In Law showed up that night of Adam's birthday party at the restaurant unexpectedly. They had driven 19 hrs straight to get there. He did not know how I would react, but he did not want to miss our S birthday. I was floored he would show up. We have been together ever since and he broke it off with the OW before he came to FLorida. He only saw her one other time, when she called him to come nad pick up his electric saw from her house. He did -I think she must have tried to seduce him or somethihg because the C asked if there had been any hanky panky nad he said no, definately not-that she had gotten VERY angry with him, and told him never to call her agian which according to him he has not nor has she called him. IT's going on 5 months now and we are gettting along great. The sex is getting better. It was great when he first came hom, then it does down some and now it is getting better little by littel. HE has always had a strong sex drive, and I didn't have any becasue of the antidepressants I was on. NOw I have changed AD and I don;t have that problem so all those needs are being met. His other thing was my moods. Now I am not moody at all-I am alwyas plesant and nice when he comes home-he does not have to wonder what kind of mood I'll be in. MY insecurities still come in waves. and I have a hard time trusting him sometimes, but I know that is to be expected. He reassures me, and is very loving most the time. Once in a while he is distant and I get nervous, but I imagine it could have alot to do with just about anything. We have talked about the OW and how he does not want to be with her. He has assured me he is where he wants to be and is backing it up by his actions. C. has been a GOd send fro us. Our C is wonderful and has brought us to the point where we can talk without arguing, and she gives us homework to do-all very tangible things for us to do to improve our R. HE gave me some wonderfu compliments last sessionadn it made me cry to know that he felt that way about me again. Actually he never stopped he said-he just felt so alone and unloved and made a VERY bad chooice and regrets it with all his heart. We have promised that nothing like this will ever happen again. I won't go through another A and Adrian knows this. He is home for good and slowleee we are building a solid marriage that is going to be with open communication and love that just keeps growing every day. I still wish he'd try and seduce me when he drops by home during the day like he used to, but right now he is just so busy at work there's not enough hrs in the day to accomplish all he needs to do. He is kind of preoccupied during the work day, but its still a goal I have in my head that I want us to meet. He does not know this and when he does I will be very happy! I'm so glad things are working out so well for you. It sounds like you went through Hell Like me. Its has been the worse time of my entire life, hands down, but unless it would have happened we may have gone on in a dead marriage forever and that would not have been any good either. The end result is what matters. This ending is going to be a happy one! Keep enjoying the blessings you have recieved-it sounds like you already do!! Rachael M.
