One thing I do have to keep in mind when I start getting those "bad" thoughts when thinking about our love life is that my H is 57 and I do understand that sometimes the "drive" slows down when you start to "age". I know my H loves me and desires me but I sometimes need the reassurances. According to a lot of stuff I have read we are above average (3 times a week). I never really thought much about it until it died down back when we were having our "unhappy period" (that's what I'm calling it). We were still intimate but it was once a week. That stayed the same even when he started the A (but I figure he was only seeing her once a month and that only lasted 4 months so there was no reason for it to decrease any further). For some reason I really had no problem with resuming the intimacy after the A. I know a lot of women do but I guess the way I felt was that I loved him and that was part of my loving him. Oh,I was insecure at times but never when we were being intimate (thank goodness it didn't hit me at those times!). One thing that also helped was I saw a picture of this woman. She wasn't much different from me!! She was just a plain everyday average normal looking woman (maybe a bit "plump"..which I was then but now I've shed 80 pounds!also she was only 5 years younger than me). Had she been this young,slim,gorgeous thing my self esteem would have completely vanished!! We actually talked about the sex thing sometime after the A ended. He told me that it wasn't "just for sex"..she was listening to him and understanding him and stroking his ego by telling him how wonderful he was,etc.,etc.,etc. I guess for some men (and women)it is about sex. I often wonder if the ones that cheat for sex are the ones that cheat often.
I also know a lot of my H's "slow down" is because of the long hard hours he's had to put in at work,he had to start working nights for a couple of months and he has a very stressful job. I do know that it is different now. I can feel a difference when we are intimate. Before when we were both so unhappy there were times when I could have cared less . It's kind of hard to explain a "feeling".
No one can tell you when the trust will come back. In my case I just have this feeling in my heart that things are good with us,we are happy and I am taking care of all his wants,needs and desires so he has no "reason" to go looking for those things somewhere else. Even other people have remarked how much happier we both have been this past year and a half and how it seems that we have "fallen in love all over again". So I feel that it's not just my imagination or "wishful thinking"!
I hope that everything works out for you. Just keeping moving forward,take those "baby steps" and take one day at a time. Remember that "actions speak louder than words" and remind your H of that too!! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!! Pat
