After our bomb I became the persuer. I didn't know that this was typical behavior. I did know that I was feeling better (thyroid meds were at optimum) and I had a libido again.
Sage stopped initiatiang but would respond to me.
In May when I screwed up he told me that he had low libido and no desire for me. I wasn't aware at the time that he was having second thoughts. I thought he was 'just' in withdrawal.
So during C session when he disclosed the 2nd thoughts (C said it's ok to have 2nd thoughts, even normal, and we all experience ambivalence about many different things every day. Thing is to handle these feelings in a grown up approprate fashion. Affairs are not appropriate LOL).
Well, that was a hit to my ego. It bothered me that Sage would not orgasm. Was it hormonal, passive anger, WHAT??????
It bothered me that he was no longer as receptive to my advances. Eveything was being colored my my 'overhearing' him tell C that he was having second thoughts and considering rekindling a R down the road.....
I had to deal w it. I eventually told Sage that it was difficult for me to approach him sexually if I felt as if he would say no thank you or if . . .you can imagine the rest.
I did not mention ow. I did not mention my needs. I just expressed that I needed him to be more emotionally available. I told him that it was not that I didn't desire him. It was not that I did not want him. It was that I was feeling intimidated and didn't want to get burned.
Our R has only improved.
Sage seems to be relaxing that the ow 'shoe' won't drop again. He sometimes say's "just let it go"---his mantra.
In time, like 10 months, He reached for me and seduced me and . . .he was fulfilled.
I did not pressure him. I was emotionally and physically available, ready and willing to initiate but not willing to be 'needy' and pushy OR condtional. Hope this helps.
