I'm all over this board today because I'm in such a bad spot and trying toget advice from those who have past where I am now. Here's the problem. I can't help wondering if he's still talking to her even though he says he's not. I don't thing my H would do all those things you said yours did with you Pat-Go by her house, go to the club where she hangs. He does not want to hurt her anymore than he already has. She was very nice to him and there for him when he really needed her he says and although he says he does not love her he does not wish to hurt her. No..my problem is beleiving they are having NO contact. He swears they aren't but I'm in a terrible place right now where I just don't beleive it. Oh, I Want to beleive it, and pray to be able to let it go, but it haunts me daily. I NEED to be able to trust him and how can he prove to me I can? I really need to move past this or I will start to portray a person to him that he would not like much-I don't like me much! What do you have if you can't feel the trust is really there?? I'd love to see his cell phone bills to see if there is any contact. I can't get ahold of them and he has been acting loving and atentive but there is this knawing feeling that he has talked to her. I need to know. He just called! I could not resist. I calmly asked him if she has tried to contact him and he said no. I told him It was just hard for me to believe That after so long she would not try to call him. He said he had thought the same thing,but that she was really upset with him when he broke it off. I asked him "how elese could you have done it, What other way could there have been"? HE said probably none,but that they had been friends for such a long time before the affair. I told him that once the affair started it could never go back to just being a friendship. He agreed with that. I guess maybe she thought it could, or at least wanted it to. I asked him if he had the strenghth not to answer the phone if she ever called and he said yes. I told him it would really help me if he would tell me that he has had no contact with her what so ever and that I can trust him without me asking him. I asked him if he could do that and he said yes. So, We'll see. I can tell he still feels bad about hurting her,but he did say he does not want her to call him. SO...I'm reassured for now-unless he is a relentless liar and I know he's not. What I want is to tell by our conversation that he has NO feelings for her anymore-I don't think its that he loves her-I think he just feels bad about hurting someone that loved him. I told him he hurt me too. I think he thinks since he dumped her and is with me that is why He feels bad for her. I have a hard time with that. I want the day to come when he does not care about how she feels, only what he did to us,but I guess its a process he has to go through even if he does not want to be with her. Just like for me, it's just going to take time to heal all of this mess. Rachael M.
