Dear Pfroglady,

Oh, no. What is this I'm hearing? Are you telling me you're H-U-M-A-N? Well, now I know the world is going to hell in a hand basket! [Big Grin] (never was really sure what that mean!!)

You know what, I think what happened to you last night was not only normal, but very healthy. How can you expect for that NOT to happen once in a while? Just think about it as continuing the purge the ugliness from your mind. Each time you do that, it takes a little more of the pain away until finally, hopefully, when the memories to come back the emotions they bring along with them won't be so intense.

Honey, you're just being way too hard on yourself. You are absolutely NOT an idiot. You have to realize you have post-traumatic stress syndrome. After all, living through the horrors of discovering H's A was very traumatic, very painful. Is there anything more painful? Maybe the death of a loved one. But in a way I think the discovery of an A is like a death. Your relationship will never be the same. You will never think of your H in quite the same way. Yes, I know things are really good for you two now, but if you're like me you're thinking, Hey, things could've been this good without having an A and ripping my heart out.

I'm glad to hear your feeling better this today. I don't think I'd tell your H about last night. What would be the point? Show him how strong and confident you are. Show him you trust him and KNOW he would never hurt you like that again. I think our men are very protective of us, and having come to their senses about the pain they've caused they will never, ever do anything to cause that kind of pain again.

I hope you know in the first paragraph above I was trying to be humerous. I just wanted to lighten things up a little. Believe me, I know exactly what you went through last night. I've been having a little bit of that today -- after almost two weeks of exceptional PMA. I've also chided myself about it, but I also realize I can't just sweep my feelings under the rug. That is just not healthy.

Just one more night. Hold on. Take a muscle relaxant [Razz] . Get plenty of sleep so you'll be in tip-top shape when H returns tomorrow.

We're all here for you,

Matilda