Shell, Thanks for the input. I will have to admit that I am definately leaning toward NOT contacting the XOW. Several times in the last year I actually wrote her letters but never mailed them. I emailed her when I first found out about the A but she deleted it without opening it. I did call her when I discovered that she and my H were still emailing after the A ended but she wouldn't talk to me. I called and left a message on her answering machine. It has been a year and a month since the A ended and 10 months since they last communticated. Oh,I know I could say things to her that might hurt her and I could tell her what I feel about her but really what would be the point? I question if it would even make me feel better. My H also called the XOW and broke off the A with me on the extension. Luckily she handled it pretty well and didn't beg or lose control. I could tell she was crying but she had her suspensions that something was up because he hadn't had any contact with her for several days and on that Monday when she had called him at work he saw by the caller ID that it was her so he didn't answer and when she emailed him she asked him why he hadn't responded to her email. I am fortunate in that my H and I never separated and also I am fortunate that the XOW lives in another state. You mentioned that when you talked to your H he acted like he wasn't trusting you. What did you mean by that? You say you aren't really sure that he hasn't talked with the OW. Trust is a very hard thing to get back once it has been betrayed. My H and I talked about that last night again. He says he understands that it was hard for me to trust him and he is doing all he can to show me I can trust him. But the bottom line is I have to decide when I can trust - he can't do that for me. My heart is telling me that I can. I told him that I may have forgiven him but I will never forget. It happened - we can't change that fact - so what we have to do is try to put it behind us and continue to move forward. The pain was so horrible for so long but it does dull with time. I told him that eventually it will just be a distant unhappy memory but because it caused such pain there is no way I will ever forget it happened. Besides if you could forget it completely it would be like it never happened and things might get back to the point where it could happen again. Does that make sense? I hope that in time you will be able to completely trust you H. It is harder for you because the XOW did work with him and is still where you are. Just remember that your H has chosen to come back to you and that shows that he does love you. You have forgiven him which should show him that your love for him is strong. Stay strong,keep the lines of communication open (if he is willing to talk about the A do so)and I also feel that it shouldn't be "thrown in his face" everytime you have a disagreement about the A or any other problem. A person can take just so much beiong hit over the head with something before they just can't take anymore. Talking about what happened is one thing but constantly throwing it up at your spouse will only cause more problems. Take care and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Let me know how things are going. Pfroglady
