HI! I am feeling so great this morning I just had to let everyone know!!!! Last night I planned one of my "infamous" indoor picnics. Since the weather is too nice for a fire in the fireplace,I put candles all over the fireplace,spread out a quilt,iced down some drinks and prepared a picnic. After the meal (and a few drinks !) H was in the mood to talk (and other things which came later !!). I told him all about how I am chatting with all of you and how much it has helped me. We got to discussing what went wrong with us and naturally the XOW came up. Anyway,H was telling me that he was so depressed and unhappy at the time he started the A that he didn't care about anything or anybody and didn't care if he lived or died! So I asked him did he have any feelings for the XOW (knew he didn't love her and had never told her he did but have never been real sure what feelings he did have for her). He told me that he really didn't feel anything for her,she wasn't important -she was just his escape from everything and he used her! Boy,sure do wish she could have heard all this!! I discussed my fears with him and he reassured me on all of them. He told me that I have made him so happy and he feels so alive now. The pressures are still there at work but he says because I am so understanding and I go out of my way to help him relax when he gets home and I make him feel like a "king" when he gets home, that he can handle all the stress better now. It felt good to hear that I am appreciated. He never used to ever tell me things like that so I stopped doing things. We had a long,enlightening and informative conversation. We talked about feelings which is hard for my H but he really opened up last night! He also said several things that I tought were enlightening. One thing was that men have this uncanny knack for separating "sex" and "love". He said that man can love a woman very much but still hurt her. He said having the A didn't mean that he loved me any less. He said that even though it wasn't just about sex with the XOW it definately wasn't love or even caring about her. He said that most men,if they "fall in love" with the OW will walk away from his wife and go to the OW. He said that the expression "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus" is very true. Men and women think so differently about so many things. A woman always seems to connect "love and sex" and a man doesn't. Would like some of your thoughts on this (men and women). I told him that I think I haven't had "closure" with the XOW. I think I have had "closure" with the A and him but not her. He asked what it would take for me to achieve that "closure". I think that the trips we make to where he met her have helped as strange as that sounds. I have replaced all my "bad memories" of that place with lots of REALLY HAPPY ones! I still have this feeling that I need to either confront her or call or write her. He says to do what I have to do in order to make things right with me. I am going to think long and hard before I do anything. It has been so long now that I'm not sure I should contact her. I am afraid that if I do she will see that as a reason to get back in touch with my H and I sure don't want that to happen!! What do you think? He says now if she does get in touch with him that he will either delete the email or throw away any correspondence unopened. She didn't send him a birthday card which was a good sign. I just don't want her trying to worm her way back into our lives!! H told me that when he wrote and told her that they could not be friends and that ALL communications had to stop because he was hurting me and hurting our chances to fix things,she sent him an email that said GOOD BYE but he deleted it without opening it. At first I doubted this (I was still trying to learn to trust again and it was hard)but I had a way to find out for sure (even he doesn't know about). And he did delete it unopened. Well,after the long talk we had a really really amazing time and this morning I feel like another weight has been lifted from my heart and will probably have a smile on my face for the rest of the day!! Sorry this was so long but I just had to tell all my friends that things are really and truly getting better and better!!
![[Wink]](images/icons/wink.gif){kind=icon}
!) H was in the mood to talk (and other things which came later ![[Big Grin]](images/icons/grin.gif){kind=icon}
!!). I told him all about how I am chatting with all of you and how much it has helped me. We got to discussing what went wrong with us and naturally the XOW came up. Anyway,H was telling me that he was so depressed and unhappy at the time he started the A that he didn't care about anything or anybody and didn't care if he lived or died! So I asked him did he have any feelings for the XOW (knew he didn't love her and had never told her he did but have never been real sure what feelings he did have for her). He told me that he really didn't feel anything for her,she wasn't important -she was just his escape from everything and he used her! Boy,sure do wish she could have heard all this!! I discussed my fears with him and he reassured me on all of them. He told me that I have made him so happy and he feels so alive now. The pressures are still there at work but he says because I am so understanding and I go out of my way to help him relax when he gets home and I make him feel like a "king" when he gets home, that he can handle all the stress better now. It felt good to hear that I am appreciated. He never used to ever tell me things like that so I stopped doing things. We had a long,enlightening and informative conversation. We talked about feelings which is hard for my H but he really opened up last night! He also said several things that I tought were enlightening. One thing was that men have this uncanny knack for separating "sex" and "love". He said that man can love a woman very much but still hurt her. He said having the A didn't mean that he loved me any less. He said that even though it wasn't just about sex with the XOW it definately wasn't love or even caring about her. He said that most men,if they "fall in love" with the OW will walk away from his wife and go to the OW. He said that the expression "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus" is very true. Men and women think so differently about so many things. A woman always seems to connect "love and sex" and a man doesn't. Would like some of your thoughts on this (men and women). I told him that I think I haven't had "closure" with the XOW. I think I have had "closure" with the A and him but not her. He asked what it would take for me to achieve that "closure". I think that the trips we make to where he met her have helped as strange as that sounds. I have replaced all my "bad memories" of that place with lots of REALLY HAPPY ones! I still have this feeling that I need to either confront her or call or write her. He says to do what I have to do in order to make things right with me. I am going to think long and hard before I do anything. It has been so long now that I'm not sure I should contact her. I am afraid that if I do she will see that as a reason to get back in touch with my H and I sure don't want that to happen!! What do you think? He says now if she does get in touch with him that he will either delete the email or throw away any correspondence unopened. She didn't send him a birthday card which was a good sign. I just don't want her trying to worm her way back into our lives!! H told me that when he wrote and told her that they could not be friends and that ALL communications had to stop because he was hurting me and hurting our chances to fix things,she sent him an email that said GOOD BYE but he deleted it without opening it. At first I doubted this (I was still trying to learn to trust again and it was hard)but I had a way to find out for sure (even he doesn't know about). And he did delete it unopened. Well,after the long talk we had a really really amazing time ![[Smile]](images/icons/smile.gif){kind=icon}
