Hi Lily & thanks for your reply. This is what I am wrestling with as well. If I continue to DB & act "as if" but I really can never feel right about this - then am I being true to myself? What if he get the opinion that it's just fine and them all the sudden there are SEVERAL FF on the scene - not just this one? He says he needs me to trust him & not be insecure. I told him that there is a big difference between insecurity & thing I do not think are appropriate.

quote:
Originally posted by lily:

I hate sounding so negative but I have a problem w women who don't respect boundaries.
Myself as well & she is one of those people. She told him he had to choose between us but then when he did choose me she did not back off or go away, she is still hanging on.

I have definately been looking at our M and it was also stale & the friendship was gone for a long time. Infidelity caused trust issues & H was not honest. Her attention made him feel special but he admits that they have nothing in common. I think he feels sorry for her - I do not because I think she is still trying to get him.

I am trying to take Andy's advice and not bring it up but rather work on US and being a good friend to H. Give him lots of things to talk to FF friend about that we are doing together.

I wish he could get another job & get him away from her. I do not think it would last if they did not see each other everyday.

BUT - letting my H see that I am unhappy about this may just give him the ammunition to continue this friendship with her & I don't want that.

Like I said, if he didn't admit that he had feeling for her (despite how brief or for whatever reason) and if she was in a stable R I would not have a problem with this. When H told me all the problems she was having and has had in her life I said "IF she would like to talk to another woman about this - who has been thru a lot of the same stuff she has, I would be happy to talk to her" He waas shocked - I was very true in what I said & did want to help if I could & felt that if she wanted to interact with me as well then mostlikely she really did just want to be H friend & I could relax about there friendship. H told her what I said and she FLAT OUT refused! Told him it would never happen. When H told me this I said "Do you think it's a little strange that she will be your friend but not mine?" He said yes.

So I still am trying to figure out how to DB thru this but still be true to myself and what I believe is appropriate or not.

For now I will try not to bring her up and I never talk bad about her if H talks about her situation. I just wish she didn't exist - IS SHE STILL A SYMPTOM OR IS SHE A PROBLEM ALL IN HERSELF???

still confused but glad "lunchtime" is almost over for this week

OH ---- Lily what did you mean about jazzing up lunches? I do pack a lot of them for him since money is tight & I am such a good cook [Big Grin]