I'd like to encourage you to read pbbutterflies thread. I may have her name wrong; she is a frequent poster to Wilma's thread {Bedrock) so you could get her name from there.
I am uncomfortable w your H having lunch w a woman he knows is having R problems. That Mar's venus dating at the office book mentioned how usually the woman is the one who signals that it is ok for the guy to physically approach (kiss).
I just can't sit here and say that it's ok for them to be friends. I trusted my H to stay within our marriage. I had now clue that the OW wouldn't have a problem stepping into mine. When I gave H some low cost changes I needed I said new cel, new beeper, new email. He contacted her and told her not to call him anymore because ANY CONTACT WITH HER WAS UNHEALTHY FOR HIS MARRIAGE. An example of a high cost change would have been for him to change jobs and us to move away from her.
People talk about methods of staying 'grounded' when you have to deal w the opposite sex in the professional world. One friend told me that he always slips in a mention of his wife in a complimentary fashion just so he can comunicate that he is in a committed R. Our C told my H that he sh place his hand on his stomach when talking w women.
Since my H's EA progressed to a PA we have to deal w piecing our trust and commitment back together.
The friend of your H is in a troubled R. She will be looking for a shoulder to cry on. She's emotionally needy and wants a friend. She doesn't seem to mind that it's the shoulder of someone elses H. Why do they have to have lunch together? Alone? Company lunchroom? Aren't there any single guys there or already D men.?
I hate sounding so negative but I have a problem w women who don't respect boundaries.
Do Michele's Butterfly effect. What small thing can you do that will result in a small (or not so small) change in his perception of you. Focus on building the positive bond between you.
Do you have kids? Stop being the mom and be his sexy wife.
Do you fix his lunch? Treesa could give you tips on how to snaz that up a bit.
My H told me 6 months after our bomb that if he'd know then what he knew 6 months later he would have come to me and told me he wasn't happy and that we needed to work on our M.
Our M had become stale and the friendship w her helped take away the pain. She made him feel accepted.
Look at your M. What needs to change?
I hope that within the month you and your H will have started a ritual of lunch dates or telephone calls during lunch. Sutle.
