Andy,

No matter how long you've been together, you'll never really know what's going on in the other person's mind. Hopefully, we all grow and change over the years and as such our thoughts also change. Don't ever take for granted that you know what she's thinking or that she knows what you're thinking. Make it perfectly clear what you're trying to communicate and ask for clarification from her if you have any question whatsoever that you might be misinterpreting her remarks.

I thought I knew my H so well and what knew what he was thinking. Look how wrong I was. Also, when I've tried the parroting experiment with H (as Dutches was explaining), I've found my H meant something entirely different than what I was hearing!! That hasn't changed in all these years. He knows exactly what he means, but doesn't say it in a way that I know exactly what he means, and visa-versa.

And, you're right, too many OR talks are oppressive. Laugh, have fun. I'm sure you do, but sometimes from your posts it sounds like you're looking for every opportunity to "tune into" your wife. Sometimes you gotta just relax and not worry so much. If you think you've said the wrong thing, grab her, kiss her, grab her rear end and say, "You know that's not what I meant," or whatever. Don't take EVERYTHING so seriously. [Big Grin]

And remember what I said in my reply on my thread, You're the lucky one. You have a wonderful chance at the greatest R in the world. Slowly, Slowly.

Love,

Matilda