Quote: The problem I have is in the concentrating on ME. I really don't think I know how to do that! Kind of pathetic I know but I have been 'wife and mother' for my entire adult life.
The first thing you do is stop calling yourself "pathetic." You must be kind and compassionate toward yourself above all. And you must be PATIENT.
It is not pathetic at all to have lost yourself a bit while being part of a couple for so long. It is perfectly natural and perfectly understandable. I was this way after my husband died. We got married when I was 40 and we were only married for 10 years, so it's not like I had my whole life with him. But even so, after he died, I absolutely did not know what to do with myself. My whole life had been focused on him. I used to love to be by myself when he would go off fishing or something, but after he died, I couldn't stand to be alone. Normally I'm quite a solitary person. (I'm an only child and so was my husband. Coincidentally, so is my current bf.)
So... here comes the Be Patient part again. Give yourself time... I would say give yourself at least a year to feel steady on your feet. That doesn't mean it can't happen sooner, but don't berate yourself if you burst into tears at times, avoid certain parts of town, want to sleep with the lights on, etc.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Don't judge yourself or scold yourself for any feelings that come up.
I'm also divorced from my first husband. We were married five years and I've been divorced for over 30 years... but for the first TWO years I couldn't listen to the radio because every song made me cry. I never regretted the divorce, but I was still very sad. He married again within the year and he's still married to the same woman (someone I introduced him to).
You'll get through this.. did I mention BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
