I guess we’ve both gone dark on each other at some point, and the result is that neither of us completely believes what the other says.
This morning, W accused me of reading too much into what she says. I told her that words are an imperfect means of expressing our feelings, and when I probe her for clarification, I’m not making assumptions. I told her that she’s misinterpreting my responses to what she says, too.
You’d think that after 23 years together, we could make ourselves understood to each other. In fact, the opposite is true. We have so much history together, that assumptions run rampant. I think it’s also true that moods affect what we think at a given moment, and therefore, we give a constant stream of conflicting signals.
It’s perfectly normal for one to make a statement at one moment and state the exact opposite at another time. But which is the “true” expression of one’s feelings?
Which statement is to be believed?
There are two barriers to our understanding of each other.
Firstly, we have too little time to express our feelings. Except for our morning coffee, we’re never alone, and even then we’re interrupted as soon as the kids start waking up. Should we spend our only “couples” time hashing out our feelings? How can that bring us closer together?
The second barrier is fatigue. As happened this morning, we started to hash out our communications problems, but W was too tired to continue. The discussion was left hanging.
I think that the only way we can work on this is to keep as open as we can. That’s what I intend to do. Just hafta keep in mind that a constant stream of OR talks promotes an oppressive atmosphere.
I guess it’s still slowlee, slowlee. In this case, the monkey isn’t me per se. It’s open communications and sharing of feelings with me. I have to make this an attractive option by trying to dispell her assumptions about what I say, and by trying to be clear about my responses. I also have to be as clear as I can when I express my own feelings.
I’ve told her that any topic is open. I don’t think she believes me, but I just have to wait until she does.
