It's so difficult to see that you are meant to be together and yet play it cool and let them figure that out for themselves. Our situation is very different. My H says he has always wanted to be married to me and was using the affair as an outlet. He was very inexperienced with women and was very flattered by the OW's attention. Absolutely I needed to make changes and we still have issues to work out. He knew he was risking my leaving if I found out. He says that for the last 2 years of the affair he saw it as a burden that he didn't know how to end. He was glad to have to move and had purposed himself to improve our marriage. If anyone had sought a divorce it would have been me. He says he was burned terribly by that affair and will never allow anything like that to happen again. Of course he was also shocked that it happened a first time. We do well as long as we are communicating. When he works 18-20 hours a day for 3 weeks and I feel like I can't disturb him for anything my imagination starts running. I try to tell myself that if we split I wouldn't see him at all so I should be able to handle this. He gets so far removed that he doesn't realize how badly I'm hurting. The good news is that we seem to have gotten back on track quickly, he's eager to go to a couple's session and maybe I will be able to stay on meds a short time. That would be wonderful.