Thanks for reading my stuff and for your comment. I've survivied this latest melt down and have gotten better pretty quickly. We are headed for a couple's therapy session soon which hopefully will help also.
I've read your first and last page here so far. There is so much healthy going on with you! This may be hard to read because it wouldn’t be your first choice, but your worst case scenario, if you keep working on yourself, is that you end up with an excellent co-parenting arrangement. If you don’t get remarried that sure is the next best thing you could possibly give your children. My daughter got pregnant toward the end of a relationship. He was drinking and in other ways being a jerk. He took off for close to 2 years and in that time my daughter met another immature guy who moved in and little by little started being a real parent to my granddaughter. Bio-dad got his act together and came back to be a more responsible dad but was still a pretty whiney guy. He got better than his parents who are irresponsible, critical and also whiney. My daughter was impressed that BD (bio-dad) was doing better than his parents but couldn’t handle all that whining. BD got a girlfriend that he has now been with for about 6 years. My daughter married about 4 years ago. My granddaughter has 2 dads, 4 sets of grandparents that adore her, at least 6 great-grandparents (she is very close to my parents) and everybody gets along great! I am so proud of them all, especially BD and SD (step-dad) because they’ve both come a long way. If BD had handled himself differently it could have been just plain D. What is wonderful is that all of these young people are working on themselves and are making the best of the situation they have. That is all any of us can do. Don’t waste your energy and love pining about the past, it all happened just the way it happened, be as patient with yourself as you would with your precious child that you are teaching how to be the best person they can be. Be nurturing with yourself but also lovingly set limits with yourself. You are doing an awesome job! You are the #1 man in your XW’s life. If that changes handle it as gracefully as you can—it’s not your decision it’s hers. However, it sounds to me like if you hang in there learning all about just how far patience can go, and how to keep your mouth shut, how to be an excellent friend, in short how to really love, and you do it for you and for permanent, you are probably going to get her back. If not, WOW what a great dad those kids have. You will make the world a better place just by being you. You are doing great! Keep it up! I’m rootn for you too! 2L
