As I was reading through your previous posts to get caught up, something stuck. What you said about the time during your M when you had 2 kids under 3, no vacation time together, and too much hunting. It sounds like you pinpointed the time when you both started feeling alone and some resentment started to build. It's common for that to happen to a couple once the kids come along. (Not that kids are totally awful for the M, or anything, but the R does change.)
Anyway, it got me thinking that maybe that's still what's holding your XW up now. She doesn't see how things will change. But if she's not willing to work on ways to make the changes, you'll both keep spinning your wheels. Can you get her to verbalize the changes she wants and do you know what you want changed in order to have a future together?
Maybe it's time for a phone consultation with a C from DBs - with or w/out XW. The C might be able to give you some new ideas - the suggestions you want to read about in the new chapter you want Michelle to write about DBing after the D. You two are still in limbo and somebody's got to do something different for it to change. It's not like you're asking XW to recommit to you right now for the rest of her life, but to commit to making some agreed upon improvements to the R you have right now. And, you do have a R right now, even if XW doesn't choose to see it.
I just hate seeing you in limbo for so long. You have the patience of a saint, but how long can you go on like this?
