I have been taking to heart what GH, AmyC, and always_14 have said to me. GAL. Work on your issues, NOT hers. Well, today seems to be a turning point for me. It feels like I have started to let go of expectations of my W and of the outcome of my DB efforts. Tonight is an excellent example of the strides I am making.
At work, my W was being herself, doing things to push my invisible buttons, and I didn't react. I just stood my ground, kept my composure and walked away. I felt really empowered to act that way in response to her, rather than react (instinctively) negatively. Howwever, at one point I did step on her toes inadvertantly. I promptly called her back to own up to what I had done and to apologize. THAT conversation turned out to be a good one. I told her that my experience with her, especially lately, is that our interactions are regularly tension-filled. I asked her, is it even a remote possibility that the tone and aggressiveness I receive are unique behaviors towards me? Is that even a possibility? My W responded without answering that question, but by saying that she was sorry for treating me in a manner that made me feel that way. I said thank you for the apology.
Tonight is my evening with our children and I am still needing to care for them at her house. My W went out with a GF and I didn't dwell on who else might be there. Didn't really matter to me tonight. No torturing myself by speculating. At 12:30 AM my W called me to apologize for not being home yet. I told her thank you for apologizing, but I am not upset, I wasn't watching the clock and everything is fine. I told her that I have NO expectations of her. I also told her that I am happy that you called and that you are OK. Get home safe. WOW. I cannot explain how NICE those past two conversations were and how different they were from most of our recent interactions. I know this goes back to one person changing a R by changing their own actions in a conversation. I feel like I did that tonight and it feels great. WOW
One more thing. I have been praying that God changes my W's will. Your post made so much sense to me with respect to His power and grace.
