Quote: If you have been reading my threads from the beginning, you have seen the times I have stumbled and outright tripped and fell in this walk I am on. Sometimes I had to lay there a while and let God
deal with me about my own issues and then let HIM raise me back up. Lately it seems I am literally up one week and plummeting the next. Sometimes even more often.
Sometimes I give up and get back up multiple times in the same freakin day.
I also am often up and down several times in the same day. Where I fail is in staying calm and still and asking God to help me to my knees, then to stand, then to walk. I have serious control issues with regard to me and what I am able to do for myself. Grrrr. I hate that personality trait of mine. I sturggle to ask for help, especially when I need it most.
Quote:
Bottom line though, I haven't yet earned the right to give up and walk away.
Not after everything I have put my husband through.I owe him MUCH more fight than I have put forth to date.
And so I press on.
Nor have I. Not after what I've put my W through. I also owe my S much more as I struggle to stay strong and on my feet in my fight for what is right.
Quote: ...God is still working on ME, which means I am not ready for my husband to come home, no matter how ready I may think I am.
So many sitches are so poignant and pointed, like yours. Often I am touched and brought to tears and back to reality that no matter how much I want restoration and reconciliation, THAT will only come on HIS time and when HE deems I am ready.
Quote: Until you meet God on His terms and surrender to Him entirely you will battle uphill and never gain the power to put this mountain under your feet where He means it to be.
I hear you, sister. THAT is my quest. I have tried to live my life on my terms in vain and have failed so miserably in so many ways. My walk with the Lord is just beginning and I have so much to learn; so much control to give to Him.
AMY, one side note:
I read your thread that you posted to mine. I was struck hard by two posts. The first was The Anchor Holds. I loved that and it reminded me that I need to hold steadfast in the face of uncertainty, terrible storms and hopelessness. I will
Second, was the post regarding your stay at home alone. The loneliness enveloped you. You wrote:
Quote: THIS is what I put my husband through when I made him leave the house...and therefore the kids.
I asked God to gorgive me for that.
I wonder if the silence in his life was deafaening?
It was for me.
I cried when I read that and did again when I posted this. THAT is what I have to look forward to when I move. The loneliness and silence. To make matters worse, I get a double whammy. I cheated on my W and my W asked me to leave, so now I spend many a night without my beloved family. Pray with me, if you would.
