Quote: sometimes I create a disaster in my life and wonder how it all happened.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
THAT is what you need to take to God in prayer. THAT is what you need to address. Think back over every year of your married life and ask God to show you how HE saw your actions/attitudes/behaviors. If you sincerely want to know, you will find out.
THEN buckle up, because that's where the ride REALLY starts to rock.
It is necessary though if you want to rise to a new level as an individual, a husband and a believer.