I think it's safe to say that I don't know much about what is going on in my W's head. I didn't grow up and have the same experiences, hurts or joys. I do have a deep desire to understand and "fix" her. NOT a good way to be or go, I know. I seem to have a need to put a label on what I see as wrong in her. Again, not a good way to be or go.
Quote: I have told my W, "You have emotional scars from your childhood and your parents. Do you want to perpetuate that cycle of neglect and emotional abandonment? I told her you are 31 years old and still impacted by the neglect from your parents."
The quote above is from me and the quote below is from Amy responding to my quote above.
Quote: WHEN did you tell her this? IMO, that was a bad move. YOu have once again exalted yourself above her and you think you know more than she does.
Sometimes wisdom means you keep your mouth shut.
D&mn it! &^%#&%$!!!! I told her that when it came to light that she was acting in a manner that I did not agree with and we did not agree upon with regard to our daughter and OM.
You know, I have the uncanny ability to act so stupid sometimes. What's worse is that I do this the worst when I am thinking I am "helping" her see the error of her ways (and see things MY way) NOT exalting myself above her. At least that is the way my wacky brain justifies it at the time. And I know that THAT makes it all worse for her. Ugh. &^*&^!!
Quote: If her parents divorce has impacted her current behavior then that is something she was have to walk out on her on.
As I have to walk on my own "stuff."
Quote: I'm glad you have refired but your statement to her above implies you still need to concentrate more on your own issues than on hers.
Ya' think? Between you and GH, I am often having my n*ts squeezed in the DB/DR vice getting myself sorted out. Thank you, Amy. I will certainly think much more deeply about my friends, Amy and GH, who are not afraid to bust me one in the chops for stepping out of line, especially in my DB efforts. I hate to be told I have backslid instead of feeling it coming and avoiding it altogether.
