I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and peace and not for calamity; to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and you will find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart. And, I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile. Jeremiah 29:11-14
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
For the unbelieving husband is set apart (separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination, and affiliated with the Christian people) by union with his consecrated (set-apart) wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart and separated through union with her consecrated husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean (unblessed heathen, outside the Christian covenant), but as it is they are prepared for God [pure and clean]. 1 Corinthians 7:14 This works no matter which spouse is the believer.
So they again called the man who was blind, and said to him, "Give God the glory! We know that this Man is a sinner." He answered and said, "Whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see. John 9:24-25
But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. Mark 10:6-9
***REMEMBER: There's an enemy out there who has had free reign in your marriage for a long time. Once you enter spiritual warfare he's going to do whatever he can to make you doubt God and His word. Stand on The Rock and just hang on. God is in control. His Word does not return to Him without results. He said so. Faith is what moves God. It is not a matter of if it will work. Only a matter of when. Not when God will begin the work, but when we will SEE the visible manifestation of our faith.
Thank you so much for your kindness, direction and generosity with your time and help.
Quote: ***REMEMBER: There's an enemy out there who has had free reign in your marriage for a long time. Once you enter spiritual warfare he's going to do whatever he can to make you doubt God and His word. Stand on The Rock and just hang on. God is in control. His Word does not return to Him without results. He said so. Faith is what moves God. It is not a matter of if it will work. Only a matter of when. Not when God will begin the work, but when we will SEE the visible manifestation of our faith.
I need to nurture and you have fed my spirit. Thank you. I will soak up the scripture you offered to me.
Question: When you became open to His word again and worked thru your MLC and decided to work again on you and your M, did that urge come all at once, or did it occur slowly over time? How long into your recovery did you take, to move towards your H and your M? How long did you take once you made the decision to reconcile, befor your let your H in on your intention? Just wondering.
Quote: Question: When you became open to His word again and worked thru your MLC and decided to work again on you and your M, did that urge come all at once, or did it occur slowly over time? How long into your recovery did you take, to move towards your H and your M? How long did you take once you made the decision to reconcile, befor your let your H in on your intention? Just wondering.
I had many things that occured over several months that slowly brought me out of the MLC. I would say that I gradually came to realize the many effects of what I had done. Truth be told I am still realizing the effects of the time I was lost. The tentacles of a MLC reach aspects of the MLCers life that they cannot fathom until they are out of the tunnel. So the answer to your question would be that the "urge" came over time.
As for my husband, I did not have near the "dignity" I would have liked when I first revealed to him that I wanted to reconcile. I was literally hurled out of the tunnel during a three day period when my husband was MIA. D10 could not reach him and that was the straw that broke this camels back. I thought he'd found someone else and was off with "her" somewhere. It was not nearly that dramatic...there was a crisis/situation in his D16's life that had caused a major blowup in his parent's home (she has been raised by them and he now lives there) and he left and stayed 2 days & nights in a motel because the police had become involved and it was just better for him to be gone so he wouldn't kill a 20 year old that was seeing his daughter. He needed to be alone. I know that all this is true but I didn't know where he was at the time and when he called that third night FINALLY, I busted into the worst crying spell I have ever been in in my entire life. It wasn't pretty . I was doing that thing kids do to try to catch their breath when they cry...man it was horrible .
So that's how it happened for us. I shocked the hell out of him. Many hours were spent on the phone in the days/nights after that and we went out to Busch Gardens for Hallowscream a couple weeks later. He told me that he had been ready to file and offer me a settlement but said he now wasn't sure...and I have been DBing ever since. I have backslidden so many times it isn't even funny. Truthfully, I am nowhere near being out of the woods yet. But not one thing has been done towards divorce and we spend time together and talk often.
I have never, EVER been involved in anything that required this much patient and diligent work. But had that remained the case, I never would know the things I know now. So I don't hate the valley. I caused myself to end up here. But it is where I found Him waiting.
Question: Do you think it's possible for a 31 yr. old to suffer from a MLC? My W is deathly afraid of getting older, as is her mother. My feeling is that she has felt like her youth is running out and she wants to go out and be a girl instead of a woman while she still feels like she can. Now, with my A she has her "perfect" biblical reason for a D, or so she thinks. My understanding of the Bible and God is that both always promote redemption, restoration and reconciliation. It is also my understanding that the biblical reference to infidelity being a reason for D is for the protection of the S who has a habitually, unrepentant, unfaithful partner.
But, perhaps my understanding of my W and my understanding of the biblical references to infidelity are flawed by my involvement in my own sitch. I don't know. But I do know what I believe.
Today, as my faith grows stronger, the enemy recruits more troops for his war against me, my W, my M and my family. The great thing is that the enemy does not seem to be touching my d5 directly. However, indirectly, he does in an insidious way. Her whole world is turned upside down and blown up. I feel for her. I am fighting to stay strong for her. Tonight, before I read her children's Bible to her we prayed. She prayed for the usual 5 yr old stuff and then prayed that daddy would not stay (get) divorced and wouldn't lose his stuff. My D5 is so innocent and such an angel. Knowing my sitch is affecting her so badly kill me.
I am still holding the papers that need to go back signed to the mediator. I have already spoken to the mediators office and they are in no hurry to proceed. Plus my W has not asked me about the papers in several weeks. Am I being a snot by not running down there to turn in the papers since I DO NOT want this D?I mean I will turn them in, but I am in NO hurry to get a D.
Amy, one more thing. Would you mind linking your original thread here for me. I feel the need to get to know you and about your sitch better. Thanks.
You asked if it is possible for your wife to be in MLC. Sure it is. But I don't think that is what you are dealing with.
As far as turning in any papers that would get the divorce process going, I wouldn't. She should do the work if she insists on following through with the D.
Quote: You asked if it is possible for your wife to be in MLC. Sure it is. But I don't think that is what you are dealing with.
Any thoughts on what it might be? I know you don't know her at all. I am interested in your thoughts though.
Quote: As far as turning in any papers that would get the divorce process going, I wouldn't. She should do the work if she insists on following through with the D.
The snag is that we went to a mediator and she turned in her portion of the paperwork. I was served by mail and I am expected to return the papers to the mediator to effect my "service" of the papers and start the D stopwatch. Problem is, I don't want a D! So, at this point everything is waiting on me. I do know that she can go and get a lawyer and do this on her own. I know she already feels angry toward me and will feel moreso if she feels I am not cooperating. But, I am not interested in the degree to which she hates me, if you know what I mean.
Quote: Any thoughts on what it might be? I know you don't know her at all. I am interested in your thoughts though.
Yes. Revenge. And you have said it all along, she is using the A as some sort of get out of the marriage FREE card. For what it's worth, I am banking on her not being so shallow when the rubber meets the road.
Has W mentioned that you need to send in the papers? If not, don't mention it and don't send them. If so...you will have to decide what you will do next.
Yes. Revenge. And you have said it all along, she is using the A as some sort of get out of the marriage FREE card. For what it's worth, I am banking on her not being so shallow when the rubber meets the road.
I hope you are correct with regard to her behavior.
Quote: Has W mentioned that you need to send in the papers?
No.
Quote: If not, don't mention it and don't send them.
OK. I will not send them.
Quote: If so...you will have to decide what you will do next.
THEN, things will get really interesting and scary.
I really should have elaborated when I used the term "revenge". I don't necessarily think she is consciously thinking "I'm going to make him pay". I think it is more like she doesn't want to deal with the pain so she is distancing herself from it by going hog-ass wild. Her exploits to date seem to all be rather shallow and that only adds to the suspicion that she is out of touch with her feelings (the drinking helps tremendously - is she still doing that?). What is her sitch like with OM? Her friends all seem to be folks that will accept her living this way...basically like a teenager. Does that sound right?
Quote: I really should have elaborated when I used the term "revenge". I don't necessarily think she is consciously thinking "I'm going to make him pay". I think it is more like she doesn't want to deal with the pain so she is distancing herself from it by going hog-ass wild.
I certainly see her running like hell away from her pain/feelings and from me by association. She seems to have enough gas to keep running for a long time unless God intervenes.
Quote: Her exploits to date seem to all be rather shallow and that only adds to the suspicion that she is out of touch with her feelings (the drinking helps tremendously - is she still doing that?).
They seem shallow to me also. She's trying to distract herself from her true feelings and that's understandable, but not necessarily sustainable. Her drinking seems to have mellowed out. I hope it's not just a show for me.
Quote: What is her sitch like with OM?
According to my sister, she seriously dating someone. In her state, I don't believe it's sustainable either. It's all fantasy; not real.
Quote: Her friends all seem to be folks that will accept her living this way...basically like a teenager. Does that sound right?
Yes, they will. She only keeps friends who champion her regardless of what she is doing. NO questioning her allowed. No true friendship. Just a lot of a$$ kissing. But, it seems to work for her.
I have LOTS to post later about my new work troubles in working for her judgemental family. Sucks, but it's all true.
. I was doing that thing kids do to try to catch their breath when they cry...man it was horrible 
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