The past two days I am really feeling the pain of the hurt I caused my wife from my A. She is doing what she's been doing all along, but I am surrounded by voices that tell me to get away from the work and her for my own wellbeing and sanity. I feel like I am doing fine, then one more thing comes along and kicks me in the gut and takes the wind out of me.
I rely on my faith to get back up and keep fighting the enemy for my W, my M, my family, and myself. I am really struggling to find what God said about me in the beginning. Doug01 talked about quieting the other voices in quieting my mind so that I will hear His voice. I struggle with that every day.
I truly believe that the enemy is working throught my co-workers and even my family. All of them tell me I should quit. That they don't want me to hurt. That they know what my W is up to and that they don't want me to set myself up for more hurt.
I keep on keepin' on because that is who I am. I have truly determined what is important in my life and what is not. Right now, I have no higher purpose than to grow in my faith. After that, I believe that God's will is for my W to be healed, my M to be restored and reconciled, my family to glorify Him in our "new" nucleus, and I am to be redeemed. I was lost, but now I'm found! I have hope. I pray.
Today, I had one of my co-workers doing overtime work for the enemy, telling me to quit and give up. Telling me I am only going to be watching actions that will hurt me. I know what to expect, and I am steeling myself for the enemy's full onslautht on my mind and spirit. On of my other co-workers, whom I love dearly, told me, GO SLOW! YOU WILL GET STRONGER! Be like a turtle. Put your shell on you back and let those voices bounce off your back. When you are stronger, when more time passes, you will see you path clearly. You will then know if you need to leave." I love that man. He tells me that what I am doing is correct. I know it is correct. It is right and righteous. But I also know that my W has free will and is the one who will make or not make decisions to change our currrent path.
I am hoping for more references to scriptures that will help me to solidify my faith, weather my storm, stay the course, silence the voices, keep on keepin' on, strengthen my spirit and resolve, fight the good fight, and re-unify my family.
All help and direction would be greatly appreciated.
