Quote: Is it just me, or was this a real a-hole response?
Yes, when it's put to me THAT way, I guess it would sound like that. But in re-reading MY post, it did sound like that. Regardless, my "take" on my response is irrelevant. HER take is what matters most.
Quote: ...I could be WAY off base here, especially since you said the rest of the day went well, but it seems like this was a GREAT opportunity to yes, validate and affirm for her and you took that opportunity to get in a little jab. To me, this seems a bit passive/aggressive. Then you compound it by calling her on the "need for affirmation" which not only sounded "high and mighty" but I dare say it may have seemed as if you were looking down on her for it. I don't know how safe it may have made her feel to open up to you like that again if she now thinks she's going to be called out every time she shows any kind of vulnerability.
D*mnit Jiminy, where are you when I need you BEFORE I step on my "manhood" and muck things up in my DB efforts. I WANT her to open up to me, be vulnerable with me and to feel safe again with me. Despite my best efforts, I often trip on my own two feet and do a faceplant in front of my W. Ugh.
Quote: If I'm right (and I have my doubts at this point) then I don't think it's anything to worry about but maybe just recognize that in those rare moments when she opens up to you, shows you a vulnerable side, i.e. asks for affirmation/validation from you (especially when you KNOW she's doing it as you said you did) I think it would be best to act in the most loving way possible, not take cheap shots.
D*mnit, NOW if really feel awful for what I said to her. I didn't give her what a loving husband would have: affirmation, love, understanding and compassion. I will do better next time. I hope you are right, I also hope there is nothing to worry about with regard to my not-so-good response to my W. She and I got along VERY well for the entire rest of the day, but that doesn't change where we ARE!
Quote: ...don't take this the wrong way. I think it's GREAT that you two got to spend some time together, I just want to make sure you maximize the potential "good side" time you get with her. Always put your best foot forward, particularly when you know she's looking for the bad foot.
I know and I WILL. Thank you GH for the needed swift kick to my backside.
Quote: On the subject of her hurting, well duh! Of course she's hurting in some way. You cannot know the exact nature of her pain, or it's intensity, but it's there.
Sadly, I know.
Quote: "EVERYONE" in her life is who? GF's? Family? All people with an interest in making her out to seem strong and unaffected? I would think so. She may also very well be projecting an image of an unaffected woman, strong in her conviction that you've done her harm, but that she's "fine." You know she's going through some tough times, whetehr she's admitting it or not, whether they're just angry times, sad times or depressed times, they're "tough" no matter what.
I didn't scroll up to my previous post, but the EVERYONE I was referring to are the people in MY life who tell me that my W is not hurting. I stand fast and tell everyone that I choose to err on the side of grace with her. I truly did and do believe that the hurt I caused was deeper than anything she has ever felt or thought she could feel. I know that I betrayed and devasted her. The disappointment in me that I caused her was, I am sure, crushing and beyond belief. I also know that she is a proud woman and talked a lot of smack about me in the wake of my bomb. She is really feeling the need to "save face."
Quote: Keep that in mind and be ready next time you get the chance to be something other than the man who's causing that pain. There WILL be more of those times ahead as she begins to lose some of her anger and more sadness and confusion sets in.
I will look forward to those times with great anticipation and I will be ready for those times! I appreciate the beatings you dish out on a semi-regular basis. Thank you. GH
