Is it just me, or was this a real a-hole response?
Quote: "You really missed me while I was gone, huh?" I responded, "I miss you all the time, whether you are gone or not." She looked a little let down, so I told her, "Yes, honey, you needed an affirmation. I missed you terribly while you were gone." She said quickly, I wasn't looking for an affirmation.
HH, I could be WAY off base here, especially since you said the rest of the day went well, but it seems like this was a GREAT opportunity to yes, validate and affirm for her and you took that opportunity to get in a little jab. To me, this seems a bit passive/aggressive. Then you compound it by calling her on the "need for affirmation" which not only sounded "high and mighty" but I dare say it may have seemed as if you were looking down on her for it. I don't know how safe it may have made her feel to open up to you like that again if she now thinks she's going to be called out every time she shows any kind of vulnerability.
If I'm right (and I have my doubts at this point) then I don't think it's anything to worry about but maybe just recognize that in those rare moments when she opens up to you, shows you a vulnerable side, i.e. asks for affirmation/validation from you (especially when you KNOW she's doing it as you said you did) I think it would be best to act in the most loving way possible, not take cheap shots.
HH, don't take this the wrong way. I think it's GREAT that you two got to spend some time together, I just want to make sure you maximize the potential "good side" time you get with her. Always put your best foot forward, particularly when you know she's looking for the bad foot.
On the subject of her hurting, well duh! Of course she's hurting in some way. You cannot know the exact nature of her pain, or it's intensity, but it's there. "EVERYONE" in her life is who? GF's? Family? All people with an interest in making her out to seem strong and unaffected? I would think so. She may also very well be projecting an image of an unaffected woman, strong in her conviction that you've done her harm, but that she's "fine." You know she's going through some tough times, whetehr she's admitting it or not, whether they're just angry times, sad times or depressed times, they're "tough" no matter what. Keep that in mind and be ready next time you get the chance to be something other than the man who's causing that pain. There WILL be more of those times ahead as she begins to lose some of her anger and more sadness and confusion sets in.
