Faith comes by hearing so go to a church where the Word is preached without reservation. Stay away from the ones that preach to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy. We need the raw Truth of what He said if we are to succeed throughout this life and be walking with Him.
The Bible says "You will find Me when you seek Me with your whole heart". You have to want Him and ALL His Truth more than you want anything else. Without Him, all is fleeting anyway, as we now know first hand.
It is a matter of time and prayer. When you sit down to read the Bible, ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand what you read. Which version of the Bible do you have? If you want to eliminate all the "thee's & thou's", try the Amplified Bible, which also provides the context in which the scriptures were written, who wrote them and to whom they were speaking. I also like The Message. However, a LOT is lost in translation. If you are just beginning, simply praying beforehand will help in your personal reading. The desire to understand will get you half way there. The rest, He will take care of. Do make sure to attend church.
You are not helpless OR powerless. Because you are seeking Him. When you stand on HIS Word and on the Name of Jesus, all of HIS power is behind you. As you learn and grow, you will soon find that you have that "peace that surpasses all understanding" no matter WHAT is going on around you. He WILL reveal Himself to you. Start looking for Him in everything you do. When you are talking to people, listen. He will show up. I guarantee it. Those little things will slowly but firmly build your faith and before you know it, there won't be anything that can ever convince you that He is NOT REAL. You'll just know, that you know, that you know!
Time seems to be a problem for you. You feel under the gun. Like if you don't pull it together now, it will be too late if you end up divorced. It is never too late for God. My husband's parents were divorced when he was a teenager. His father had a MLC and had a short term affair. His parents remarried a few years later though and are still married to this day and they are in their 70's. It is never too late for God and He does not work on our schedule. He knows better than we do. That's why we trust Him.
Earlier I was thinking about your sitch and I know that the enemy is angry because of all I have told you tonight. That is just too bad though because you and I are on a very similar path, as far as what we did that screwed everything up . But don't you agree that you would have went along blindly, never upsetting the apple cart and never striving for something deeper or more fulfilling? That's what I probably would have done, had things not gotten so completely out of hand via my MLC. So we're on the same road now, you and I. I just happen to be a little bit ahead of you. Don't worry, I can end up behind you with terrible road rash in the blink of an eye . Just don't hate the valley, HH. It's where we learn the things that really matter. PRAISE your way through. You have two kids that are going to grow up very blessed because Daddy wasn't too proud to slow down and take some instruction from HIS FATHER.
. But don't you agree that you would have went along blindly, never upsetting the apple cart and never striving for something deeper or more fulfilling? That's what I probably would have done, had things not gotten so completely out of hand via my MLC. 
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