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I know. I know. I am still so desperately afraid of losing her to a D. For some strange reason I am not quite accepting that I am already on that path with her. Doesn't make any sense to me are anyone who knows me.



I'm going to share something very painful with you.

When I came out of the so-called "tunnel" of MLC, God had me on my face in the floor of my bedroom every night for those first 2 weeks. I would put my kids to bed and literally crumble in tears before I even got to the door of my bedroom. Then I would just lay there with my face to the carpet crying and praying. I remember it so well and it still hurts 8 months later. To say I was "broken" seems like an understatement when I think back to that time.
I distinctly remember that there came a point, when I physically felt all that I had put my husband through and it just devastated me. But when I got to that point and I felt HIS pain, I truly began to ask God to take care of HIM, to forgive me for hurting him, but mainly just to take care of my husband, EVEN if that meant he would divorce me. I REALLY became willing to let him go if that was the best thing for him. Other than that night that I became willing to do that though, I have not ever again felt that that would be required of me. Somehow my WILLINGNESS to set him free though, played some kind of role. I have yet to know how or why, but I feel it.

I told you that because you are doing the practical things and you have sought forgiveness but I don't think your feet have really been held to the fire over your part in the destruction of your marriage. Before you can be raised back up and boldly claim what is yours, you have to be brought lower than ever before and let Him deal with you, One on one. Seek Him. No matter the TEMPORARY pain that that may cause. He is THE Healer and THE Waymaker.
But you're going to have to stop strategizing long enough to hear Him knocking.

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Thanks again Amy for encouraging me to change my R by changing me.



No.
Wrong again.
YOU aren't going to be able to change yourself sufficiently for this walk.
THAT is HIS job.
ONLY His grace is sufficient.
Let Him in.
For real.
No more lip service.
He's not going to let you do this HALF WAY.
Not when it is to glorify Him.

Put it all in His hands.
He is more capable than you are to restore your family.

Don't build your house on sinking sand this time.
Build it on the Rock.