Quote: D5 has a dance recital and you need the details. Call the school she dances for.
I got the info., but more importantly, I don't know which dance school she goes to b/c my W changed the schools and I NEVER took her there b/c she goes during the day when I am at work.
Quote: Your wife has nothing that you need but YOU need to stop talking to her about anything other than picking up the kids. I really wish you would stop letting her walk all over you where they are concerned. As I told another poster last night, Dads are NOT free babysitters.
Amen, sister. I actually told her this last night, sans the dads as babysitter portion, regarding limiting our interaction to the pickup/dropoff/swap of our children b/c our interaction had become VERY strained and I did not want that type of R with her. I also told her that since she wasn't OK with how I had been treating her lately (calling her on her BS regarding our children), I told her that she would not be subjected to questions or comments regarding her life unless her actions directly impacted our children.
She then tells me, you must be seeing someone. Again!! Sheesh! Whenever I am not behaving in accordance with her beliefs about me, I must be seeing someone. Of course. I tell her that I am not seeing someone and ask her why she says that. She tells me that I must be seeing someone otherwise I wouldn't be so OK with her dating OM or going on a trip to see him. I tell her, let's ge something straight right now. I am NOT OK with you dating OM or anyone else, for that matter. I am NOT OK with you taking a trip to see him, either. I asked her to repeat to me what I had just told her and she did. She heard me and she understood me. I told her I don't even have someone on the horizon that I am considering dating. I would tell you I was dating, if that was the case.
My W tells me that she is confused about how I am handling her behavior. I only tell her that I am proud of my behavior in response to her behavior. I tell her that I have given her space, not intruded on her time, have focused on our children, have stayed out of trouble, etc. She is convinced that I am finding my center in another woman as she searches for her center in OM. Who knows? She tells me regularly that she IS divorced, but for someone who says that why the hell is she so concerned with me dating someone else?
Quote: You are bending over backwards to pacify her every freakin whim and it is about time you said "ENOUGH!". I don't care about the history. This is now a matter of self-respect, which you claim to have but your actions suggest otherwise.
Get your guilt and your groveling under your feet.
Grow a spine and show it to her.
I am growing stronger every day. I have needed to take "baby steps" to strap my jewels back on, but I like the fit and how I feel when I am "outfitted." Every day I grow stronger in putting my foot down and being gently assertive more and more.
Quote: Do you honestly think that just because you had a brief affair, her actions in the time since finding out are justified? Hell no, they are not!
I am with you, sister! NO, I do not think her actions are justified, as mine were not. Thank you for reminding me I am not on a team of 1.
Quote: You are remorseful, you have at least made an attempt to grow beyond the mistakes you made and also in spite of them. SHE has done nothing and you know what? EXACTLY HALF of the burden for repairing and overcoming lies on HER shoulders.
I am a man who is changing in God every day. I am repentant for cheating on my W. And you are absolutely correct. She has done nothing except to run around trying to find happiness in a new R and in any OM.
Quote: Stop talking to her unless it has to do with the kids.
Get a life.
Get moved.
Believe me, once you make yourself scarce she'll take notice.
My biggest fear is that as I GAL, move on, and really let go, she will have a change of heart and I will have truly quit by then. I think I will just need to rely on:
Quote: God grant me the courage not to give up on what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless. Amen
Quote: DO IT TODAY.
LET HER GO.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING HER BACK.
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
I will. I will. I know. I will. Thank you for your encouragement and direction, my Angel Amy.
