I am so upset because of my interactions with my W. She is clearly working diligently to throw me off my game. Unfortunately, I keep allowing it to happen. I hope that once I am moved our interaction will be limited to our children, but I doubt that. She calls me at least twice per day regarding work issues and I don't really have the option of tuning her out. Well, I always have options if it gets to be too much for me.
My W went out tonight to do a signing and then to dinner with a friend (truly). When she got back I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute and she rolled her eyes. I just left. I called her a bit later to ask her to find out the particulars of our D5's dance recital on Sat and my W was "put out" about that request. Why, I do not know, but tonight makes the 3rd request for the information. The recital is this Sat.
I then asked her which items she was OK with me taking from the house and she got agitated again. She said she wanted to be at the house when I took items from the house. I told her that I would prefer that she not be there b/c she had already been very clear on what was OK for me to take.
I told her maybe we need to really limit our conversations to the chilren in the future and she pulled "my W" move and just hung up on me. When I finally got thru to her she said that she was tired of how I was treating her. I told her, I'm sorry, would you please explain. Her answer, "Everything." I told her that's too vague for me to understand would you please just pick one thing. She then tells me that she's done. I told her I asked you about the dance recital and what I could take from the house, nothing else. She then got a call on her cell phone and needed to hang up and said she would call me back. Hmmmm.... I'd say transparent. Whatever. I am GAL and letting go so that she can do what she's wanted to do forever while I recharge my batteries and make a life for my 2 children and myself.
I will stay open to reconciliation as long as I can, but I truly don't feel she has our childrens' best interests in mind. She has her own interests at heart and often puts her selfish needs ahead of our childrens' wellbeing and gets pissed when I call her on behavior.
For the longest time I had the strange feeling that she really wanted to be single and childless. If she's not careful she may make that a reality and then she can truly be selfish, self-absorbed and self-centered 24/7/365. I hope the best for her. I pray for her. It's up to her.
My counselor told me today that I spent our entire M trying to make my W look good and make her happy. I truly did do that, and I still am. I am really struggling with putting a stop to finding my happiness in my W's happiness b/c everyone who has known her much longer than I have all said she has always been an unhappy person.
I am reading 5LL and I truly see my wife in the "in love' stage, which is exactly what our MC told her about herself. She is addicted to the "in love" feeling, the newness. Unfortately, being "in love" has a predictable life cycle of 2 years. Oh, well, she has to find her own way and I need to find mine along with raising 2 happy, healthy, whole children. Please send your positive energy my way and your prayers. Thanks.
