This past weekend I had a talk with my W about OM. She tells me she is going to San Diego and I question why she is going. She tells me to be with OM. My W also tells me that she needs for me to be with our children T-F. I told her that I am scheduled to move this week/weekend and she tells me that she doesn't believe I will move. I tell her that she is selfish, self-aborbed and self-centered. The discussion ended up with me agreeing to be with the kids all week. I am really having trouble standing up for myself and saying no when it comes to her.
The great thing is I will be in my new place VERY soon and it is my intention to stick with the schedule unless the children are sick. I am confident that I am ready to put my foot down and take care of myself.
I spoke with my counselor today and she told me that she didn't see any reason why I had ANY discussions with my W other than about times to exchange our children. I am hanging on to my hope for my M and for my W by a thread. I have normally been doing pretty well, but this weekend and today have been low points for me.
I am huring so deeply in battling for my M without my W. She is off doing what she's doing, lost in the newness of her R with OM and I my knees are wavering under the weight of my sadness. I look forward to GAL and moving on. There is a whole world out there for me to enjoy with our children.
I am just having trouble seeing the horizon b/c I feel like I keep getting kicked in the nuts and I keep getting up and allowing it to happen over and over again. I am learning, but NOT fast enough for me.
