Was talking with my D5 last night and asked her why she was eating dinner so late and she told me that OM came to visit. This is the same OM ("friend" as my W calls him) taht my D5 was introduced to 2 weeks ago. I didn't say anything to my D except, "Oh, that is nice." I then went on to be upbeat with her until we finished the conversation. This morniing I was trying to reach my D to tell her good morning, as I always do and I couldn't reach them. Finally, my W calls me back to let me know that she had already dropped off our D and S and daycare and was ONLY THEN listening to my msg. Mind you, I call my D EVERY morning. My wife is still taking our her hurt and anger on me in her "very special" passive agressive way.
I believe that she wanted me to know about OM from the beginning. I have seen her with him twice, once at my work and once while she had my dumb a$$ running around doing sh*t before her because she was too busy (seeing OM). THEN, she introduces our D to OM and I believe she did so to try to hurt me because she knew my D would tell me about it. My W does the same thing at our W by telling our co-workers about her plans and exploits. Again, she know this office is "gossip central" and that her stories will make their way to my ears.
I have told my wife that I don't believe anything she tells me at this point due to her consistent lying, both outwardly and by omission. My W tells me that she hasn't been telling me some information b/c she doesn't want to hurt me. I have already told her that I cannot hurt any more than I already do.
I am not pissed about her dating. I am pissed that she has shown a consistent willingness to put her own wants and needs before our childrens' needs and wellbeing. We had agreed a LONG time ago that we would not introduce our children to people we were dating for a long time. It would seem that 6 weeks is a long time to my W. She then tells me, "Well, I made a bad *&$^ mistke. What am I supposed to do about it now?" I told her, you stop it now. You place our children FIRST.
I told her, you have only been dating OM for 2 months. You two are just getting to know e/o. Eventually, he will place his expectations on you and you will have to see how you like and deal with that and vice versa. I continued, you are in the "honeymoon" stage, the JR high stage of butterflies, newness, fun of getting to know someone. I told her, get through that stage and THEN talk to me about dragging our children into your relatonship with OM.
She continues on by telling me, I am like a single mom. I don't get any time for myself. I told her, welcome to motherhood. We have 2 small children. I told her that when I am with them I am TOATLLY with them. She continues that she is with them ALL of the time. I told her once again, that if she needed help with our children that I have asked her to tell me EXACTLY what help she needs in concrete, actionable steps. She didn't respond to that in an e-mail and she didn't respond to it in our conversation. She doesn't have any idea what she needs. She knows she wants a D and that she wants to date, though.
I consistenty hear from her that she didn't know XY&Z was going to happen when she makes poor decisions regarding her behavior. I keep telling her that I know that she is a highly intelligent woman. I also told her that she knows exactly what she is doing and why and that I will not believe that she does anything w/o knowing what she is doing and what the impact will be.
Further, we talked about our D5. She was telling me about how our D misbehaves A LOT. I know our D can misbehave. D usually does so when she is really tired. I talk to her to find out what is going on and she tells me. My W does not seem to be doing that. Whatever, I can't fix their mother-daughter relationship. I did tell my W that I will have my place soon and I'd be happy to take our children much more. Of course she balked. I can't wait to get settled in my new place. Then I will have my own place to rest and be with our children.
I also told my W that I wished she would get out of her own head and see things from MY perspective. She did admit that if roles were reversed she would be mad "like me." I told her, NO, you would be pissed and beside yourself b/c your temper is much worse than mine. She said if you were dating someone she wouldn't want to know it. I told her, don't worry, you won't. Our children will not be exposed to daddy being involved with another woman. She didn't seem to like the thought of me dating another woman. I do know this, her own mother told me that that would most likely get her D to "snap to" very quickly. My MIL also said that she was NOT telling me to start dating. That was 2 months ago.
