Corri, ThankS so much for that link. I haven't had time to look at it yet, but I'm looking forward to it. Thanks also for your words of encouragement. It helps to hear that it takes a long time for others too. I have seen it posted where certain people are singled out for still struggling with the same issues for longer than that particular poster apparently thinks it should take. I love your signature. You don't see what you don't see. Until you do. That is so absolutely true and there isn't anything wrong with that as long as you are open to seeing the answers, they will eventually come just like you said.
Hairdog, First, are you sleeping in your marriage bed since H is out of town?
No, I'm not. I have accepted that it's not my bed anymore. I hate it, I think it's wrong, but I very begrudgingly accept it.
Second, he's been out of town for a month? Is this business related? Ever wonder what he does when he's gone? Do you have civil phone conversations with him?
Yes, it's business related and not at all uncommon. He can be gone for long periods of time or short periods of time, it just depends. Yes, I sometimes wonder what he does when he's gone. Surfs porn without a doubt. We've had sex maybe four times this year, which he doesn't seem all that bent out of shape about. There was a recent situation, I can't remember if I even posted it, where it became evident to me that he was not planning on telling me that he had 'gone out' the night before. An argument ensued that left me feeling horrible. I just let it blow over and went on like the discussion never took place. But he knows I know he lies to me, or *has* lied to me on more than one occasion. It severely damages his credibility when he talks about 'rebuilding trust'.
What would happen if you found out that he was having an A? Would it "even the score" or would it end the M?
It completely depends on the circumstances surrounding it. If he let it go on for a while, all the time keeping me out of my bed, etc.....well I think it would be over. I excuse him for his behavior only because I understand how hurtful my actions were. If he were secretly doing the same, while punishing me....yeah, that'd be it. If he thought he was falling in love with someone else and was honest with me about it, a separation would certainly be warranted but not necessarily the end of the M. If he got involved in a situation similar to my betrayal it would even the score.
Consider me one of the guys that drops in with a "general sense of caring."
Thanks Hairdog, I appreciate it.
Blackfoot, I use to travel for work myself, I saw x in person 2 times in three months once. Last time I did that.
Well, if that were the case in my situation, it would go a long way to making me feel like I was a priority in my H's life. H has been gone for six months before. Not surpisingly, at least to me, when my A began H was gone for 7 months straight home only on the weekends (which he prioritized around the kids).
One thing I have noticed is that Stig and I are on almost the same emotional schedule, he is just a few months behind, as his R failure, was too.
I'm sure that's been helpful and reassuring to you, especially if you can really relate to him. It sort of makes you prepared for 'what's next'. I miss his posts.
These things are probably not all that unique, even when we understand what it going on cerebrally, that doesnt mean are emotions are letting us feel it any faster.
Agreed. Our hearts don't always fall into line with our brains as quickly as we'd like. But in the bigger picture, I like that about us
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
