I read much of your thread and while our situations are different in many ways, they are also remarkably similar in many. In one of your posts, you reference not viewing your marriage in a very positive light anymore. I can completely relate to the anger your feeling and wondering whether its all worth it, but still desperately looking for a glimmer of hope that it is. Also, while my wife and I slept in the same bed the entire time we lived together, she very little interest in intimacy for several years. We sought counseling, she went to medical professionals, but nothing helped. Thus, I can also relate to loving someone who has no physical interest in you and asking yourself whether you're willing to live in a loveless marriage going forward.
Finally, (and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this one), you also referenced your husband engaging in various strategies to control marital disagreements. While I wasn't one to walk away or ignore, I did tend to treat my wife in such discussions as an adverse witness in a cross-examination. In numerous cases, I could take something rather benign that she said, knowing how she meant it, and twist it to use it against her as an impeaching contradiction. In some ways, it became like a game. Whats important for you to know is I wasn't doing it just to be a jerk (although I now realize how stupid it was), but because I really thought she was wrong and could be quite convincing to myself, and ultimately feeling that the end justified the means. She oftentimes used the same strategy with me or would even more often walk away, pretend she wasn't listening, etc.
Only you can decide what hope you have in your relationship. Anger is inevitable and completely understandable. IMHO, I think its misguided to ask you to simply not acknowledge your anger or move past it. That said, I do believe it is possible to be angry, be resolved, and maybe even have legitimate questions in your mind as to the future of your relationship, but to separate your anger from your rational judgment about your situation. My only advice is to not be afraid of the limbo that you, me, and so many others on this board face right now. In the meantime, counseling is great and I recommend it highly. Focus on your family. Do what you can to stay busy and active. This has a great way of giving one perspective.
Best Wishes...
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
