Am I Creating a SSM Part V

[heatherg]

Stigmata, I've read over your first post a hundred times already. So much in it just really hits home with me. My love is very weak, overall I would say that *I* am pretty weak. Either that or I'm a stubborn a@@, either way, it's not very attractive.

From your posts he never is the one who threatens to leve or at least if he does it is minimal compared with you. You've gone to the well ten times too many on your "threats" and he disrespects you for it as any person would.

H has threatened me with divorce on a few occasions. First when I revealed the A, duh, I understand that. Second on an occasion where he and I went out with my siblings and mid-evening, they decided to go to the bar where I first kissed OM and I intended to go along (H refused to go and had the cab drop him off at home)....it wasn't like OM was going to be there, but of course I see now that I should have used this opportunity to show him his feelings mattered. He threatened divorce on the phone, I stopped the cab, got out and walked home (it was just a few blocks). Third time, we were at my parents' house in Michigan and I was giong to go out with an old friend of mine, female of course, but I told H I was going instead of asking and making sure he would come (I'm really not 'allowed' to go out without him anymore). He was absolutely livid that I intended to go and called me names, said we were cutting our trip short and leaving in the morning, he got into a spat with my father, it was a mess. I didn't go and apologized to him for not asking, etc. Fourth time was when I stayed at the hotel. He told me I was 'throwing the M away'. Maybe he wasn't threatening divorce that time, I don't know.

Notice that he gets really bent out of shape whenever I mention going out when he is not there. I understand this of course to a certain extent. It has been taken way too far and would have carried over into other aspects of my life too if I would have let it (i.e. karate). It is not that often that going out has even come up because I do not make plans to go out anymore and really haven't since the A was revealed. The night out with my siblings, H was supposed to be there all night, but it turned crazy from the minute we got there, literally. The time with my old high school female friend...I can't even remember what we were doing, going to dinner or a bar or a bar/restaurant or if plans had even been made that far. He just flipped his lid.

Anyway, the point is that he has mentioned divorce on a couple of different occasions when he has felt extremely threatened.
I have not made constant threats, as in 'I am going to file'. I tend to make a lot of references along the lines of 'we can't go on like this forever' or 'we have to live together and get along at least for the time being' or 'we can't buy a house together right now because things are too uncertain'. The inference is always there. That's how it is in my head and I guess it comes out in what I do and say.

The stuff you wrote on my power and not desolving into anger was all more helpful than you know. It's not stuff that on some level, I haven't been told or read...it's not that I don't understand. I just find it very motivational and inspirational to see it written from someone who knows my circumstances.