Hey GF Have you read "Boundaries"? There are two books with that name. One is by Dr. Henry Cloud and the other is by Anne Katherine. Both are good and explain what boundaries are, why we need them, how to enforce them, etc. Has helped me much!
Hang in there. I know you are frustrated right now and I just submit that you should continue trust yourself. I do agree that you are continuing to hold onto anger and pushing your H away. I just want you to know that is normal behavior in disrespectful and abusive circumstances, so please don't beat yourself up about it. If you don't protect Heather, who will? After years of the dysfunctional "dance" with XH, I've come to see that we both contributed, but in the end, the "blame" didnt matter. What determined the outcome was that BOTH of us needed to stop the dance, but both were not willing to do that. I couldnt have dropped my anger and kissed his butt until the end of time and it would have continued... but I would have been destroyed in the end. Sometimes no matter what we change, others do not respond in a way that moves the R forward to a good place.
Have you read "Boundaries"? There are two books with that name. One is by Dr. Henry Cloud and the other is by Anne Katherine. Both are good and explain what boundaries are, why we need them, how to enforce them, etc. Has helped me much!