Am I Creating a SSM Part V

[Stigmata]

Heather.

Not a very good turn of events I'd say.

You are driving yourself crazy. You cannot carry the R load for 2 people and just trying is wiping you out emotionally.

How has it reached this point? Because you allow H to get away and slip out of the ropes when you tie him down on his behavior.

This:

and I said 'you don't give a [censored], is that what you're saying?'
He never asnwered that directly I realize now.

- I have noticed this more than once in your posts about your exchanges. MAKE him answer you or stand there until you are blue in the face...not with anger but with firm conviction and deadly seriousness.

He is double-talking you in addition to enjoying his own preconceived double standards. Trying to hold to your truths while H lies to your face is seriously tilting your R out of balance and straight toward disaster. It needs to come to a stop...all of this BS game playing, nastiness, and dancing around the real fundamental issues of any R as it pertains to raising a family in an environment of love.

His lies tell me he doesn't have much respect for your opinion...like your A has given him an Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card that he totes around in his wallet, along with his one dollar bills.

I've said it many many times before. Stop jumping through H's constantly changing hoops; it's a no-win situation like trying to fill a bucket with water that has an sizeable hole in the bottom.

Shift shift shift the load from your back onto H. Face him and demand that he tell you what he wants out of both of your futures because the way he's acting he's wasting both of your lives, which could be better spent on more fulfilling things. No anger. Just emotionally vulnerable open and direct conversations.

And if he retorts with a smarta$$ed comment?

"ENOUGH. Stop it right now. If you want to be nasty to me, fine, then do it all you want after we have this discussion. I expect the both of us to act like frigging adults for 15 minutes. It's not funny. It's not going to be discussed later or whenever you feel like it. You are going to tell me whether you want to be in this R or not and, if so, your ideas on how we can make it better. I won't accept 'I don't know etc..."

As Karen and GEL said...you have to decide if the months ticking by in your life is worth feeling miserable being stuck in the mud. I don't know how it will come but your R is going to need unstuck; it's inevitable it will happen anyway. But it is up to you both to control how that happens, whether constructively or through a really bad fallout/outcome.

-Stigmata-

PS. BS to H. All Ms know whether they've been to a strip club in the past 2 years. The only ones who don't remember are the ones who go so often they don't remember exact dates. In fact, I still remember one I went to one back in 99 and I am not the clubber type ... too many messed up Fs there for me to contribute to it.

Demand honesty. An R without truth is not an R as I have found out personally and painfully. It's one person using carte blanche behavior to waste the other partner's life. Unacceptable. Period.