Am I Creating a SSM Part V

[Stigmata]

Mmmm. Seems my new found self-hypnotic ability to condense 8 hours of shuteye into 4 without detriment is working. Goody goody for me.

To follow up. BF made some good comments above about your power plays and your untapped feminine arsenal.

I wanted to clarify my comments JIC.

1. IMO H does not hate or loathe etc. you. From your posts he never is the one who threatens to leve or at least if he does it is minimal compared with you. You've gone to the well ten times too many on your "threats" and he disrespects you for it as any person would.

2. I am not saying to set your boundary with a negative frame or intent or to withdraw. I am all about the solution-based approaches as evidenced in my various posts.

...But not to the detriment of someone's well being come hell or high water.

What I see is your negative yo yo frame and power plays, as BF said, over an M who is like a crippled ship, listing at sea from your A is poisoning/muddying the waters of reconciliation.

In other words, I feel you are doing more irreparable damage staying in the fray with this frame of mind than if you were to detach and, quite possible, discuss some time apart.

Again, this does not mean withdrawal. More like protecting the one you love and yourself from toxic damaging interactions if you just can't seem to keep the atmosphere in your house very very positive and loving.

I see you both as caged scorpions eyeing each other in a very small jar...waving your tails in a menacing way as soon as you perceive a move from the other.

This kind of chronic silent mutual hostility cannot sustain a healthy R. It is wiping out each of your love units.

So forgive any perception that I am saying to not hang in there with H. Like BF was saying, lovingly detach and think before you react...is this going to be a positive thing coming out of my mouth or another missile shot at our R and H's listing ship?

I'll be honest. From what I've seen as to how you handle your reactions I don't think you have what it takes yet to be able to do this consistently in such close proximity with H and H's pain. The only way one can do this is to allow your observing ego to stand outside of yourself and view what's going on in your household with pure rational no nonsense/BS objectivity.

This takes tons of self-awareness and self control. Yes, it can be done. But it's a lot harder when you find yourself in a very small jar and facing an wounded scorpion claw to claw.

-Stigmata-

PS. Thanks for reaffirming the solutions Heather still can utilize BF...I still feel there is something positive here once you and H can break this huge dynamic of codependency in which you both are mired.