That was one of my pre-A issues, that I didn't feel like an important part of the family. This had a huge effect on my self esteem because I felt like there was something wrong with me as a mother and therefore as a person.
Well, your lack of self-esteem probably led to this problem in the first place. Sounds like your H has always "called the shots" in a sense and when the kids came along it just multiplied.
Having D3 helped me tremendously because I learned with her that I *am* a good mother. When it was just the three of us, it wasn't at all uncommon for me to cry because I felt left out emotionally.
Hmmm...it's interesting that the gender of your children had such an effect on your sense of mothering. Probably spurred on by your H's clear preference for the boy. No wonder you felt left out. I'm guessing you feel like a better mother with your D because your H "lets" you have more control with her. His controlling is still the problem, the common denominator.
Our kids don't get all tucked in and sleeping until 10:30-11:00 and I like to have a few moments of just quiet ya know, with the lights off, etc. H is very not like that. He is a night owl and leaves the lights on and makes dinner very late, watches TV....he even works out after the kids go to bed anywhere between 11:00-11:30...music blaring in his room, running on the treadmill.
It's been so disruptive to his life and to our R, and I just really try to go the extra mile to make sure S5 has good sleeping habits, but it just seems that H is determined to make S5 just like him, bad habits and all. It's very frustrating.
Oh no, that would not work for me. I need a few hours downtime, not a few moments. I have S6 and D4 and they are asleep by 7:30 every night. They wake up at 7am. What time do your kids have to wake up? They can't possibly be sleeping til 11am. Kids that age need up 11/12 hours sleep a night, if no naps.
So is your H's music blaring loud enough for the kids to hear it?
The lights on dependency is quite fitting considering your H has such enmeshment/dependency issues. Might as well add more fuel to the fire.
S5 told H yesterday that we had the *best* day, which made me feel sooo good. Since H is out of town,
hmmm...interesting how happy you and the kids can be with H gone.
It's not all gloom and doom scenarios. Just try and remember that. Spend time with the kids alone when you can. Teach them about respecting Mommy yourself even if H is not around to pitch in.