Am I Creating a SSM Part V

[heatherg]

So what did your H say about all that?

The MC was more making a statement than asking for feedback. Now that I think about it, I'd like to have heard what he had to say.

That is a HUGE problem and one that personally, I would deal with before any of the M issues.

That was one of my pre-A issues, that I didn't feel like an important part of the family. This had a huge effect on my self esteem because I felt like there was something wrong with me as a mother and therefore as a person. Having D3 helped me tremendously because I learned with her that I *am* a good mother. When it was just the three of us, it wasn't at all uncommon for me to cry because I felt left out emotionally.

Maybe the two of you could agree on some things related to the kids so that it reduces some of the confusion for your S and D.

H agreed to start bedtime at 9:30 for S5. That means he's in bed by 10pm and then he's allowed to get up 2-3 times for water. That's as good of an agreement as I was going to get. My compromise was in bed, ready to go to sleep at 9:30 (which I still think is too late). H would not have it.

I'd break that "seperate teams" mentality asap.

I try. I try not to panic when D3 crawls in bed with Daddy (because I often feel like she will eventually prefer Daddy too to the point of not wanting to spend time with me) and I tell S5 all the time how much I love him and how important he is to me and how much I love being with him. S5 told H yesterday that we had the *best* day, which made me feel sooo good. Since H is out of town, I took the kids to the play area at the mall and then we had Chinese chicken together and then we got slurpees and then we went to Build-a-Bear and made Daddy a teddy bear for him to take with him when he goes on trips (it has a voice box inside with the kid's voices telling him how much they love and miss him) and then we went on the carousel. We had a good time, but it was really nice to hear it from S5's mouth.
Also, H started leaving his bedroom light on for S5 when S5 goes to bed (my 'old' bedroom is right across from S5's room) and I have no idea why he would do that. S5 has never been scared of the dark. H started trying to do that with D3 too, leaving the bathroom light on all the time and I would keep shutting it off. Many nights she asked for it and I told her no. She never cried or fussed about it, she just started getting used to having it on. I have no idea why he would start something like that....making them dependent on lights being on. Anyway, I didn't have too much difficulty at all getting S5 to sleep with the light off and I'm hoping that I can keep it that way.
Our kids don't get all tucked in and sleeping until 10:30-11:00 and I like to have a few moments of just quiet ya know, with the lights off, etc. H is very not like that. He is a night owl and leaves the lights on and makes dinner very late, watches TV....he even works out after the kids go to bed anywhere between 11:00-11:30...music blaring in his room, running on the treadmill.
It's been so disruptive to his life and to our R, and I just really try to go the extra mile to make sure S5 has good sleeping habits, but it just seems that H is determined to make S5 just like him, bad habits and all. It's very frustrating.

if you did choose D, you may actually be able to have some better control over how the kids are raised,

I've thought about this many times.