Am I Creating a SSM Part V

[heatherg]

Your son seems to have way too much power in your household.

I would agree. We discussed that in MC before H quit. MC said it was throwing off the balance in our home and the natural balance of parents on the same level and children on another level.

For instance, you mentioned your S5 didn't want to go see you at karate. Therefore, H did not take him.

Right. At first S5 said he wanted to go to my belt test, but H was refusing to bring them (he doesn't support my karate). When it came right down to the time for me to leave, I playfully asked if he was coming and it seemed he would except then S5 said he didn't want to go. I completely agree that Daddy should have spoken up and said that this is important to Mommy and she would like our support. But he doesn't feel that way, so why should he say it? There really wasn't a whole lot I could do because if H wasn't going to back me up, I would only end up looking like a selfish creep. That's also why it is difficult to get any one on one time with S5 when H is around because S5 will say he doesn't want to go, H won't encourage it, so I am put in a situation where, if I push it, I will just look desperate.
We go to nephews' birthdays, nephews' t-ball games, preschool graduations, school programs, etc. To not come and see me test for my belt sends a huge message both to me and to the kids. Mommy is not as important as everyone else.

Why are you letting a 5 year old decide where to go? You make the rules not him. You need to regain some control as a parent.

Hopefully I've explained a little about why this happens. I've tried pushing some issues, believe me. Were you around when I posted about the bedtime issue for S5? If I push it and H refuses to back me up (H would even continue to play the game with S5 or whatever they were involved in) and I try to make S5 do what I say, he cries and gets confused because Daddy is saying he doesn't have to. Daddy looks at me like I've lost my freakin mind and I feel like an a@@. See how nicely that works?

And don't you have a D too? Where does she fit into all of this? You always mention how close S and H are, but I never hear about him and D.

H has more of a 'normal' R with D3. He doesn't smother her or play her against me. He lets me put her to bed, decide what she wears, etc. H has very much set up the family in the way 'S5 is for Daddy and D3 is for Mommy'. S5 has even said that, so he very much picks up on it. D3 loves H very much and she is very close to him, but that desperation is not there on H's behalf, it's more of a normal coparenting with D3.