IMPO...I see a power struggle going on with the two of you. He...being an alcoholic is very likely to excuse away his drinking (or your having an issue with it more precisely) anyway he can.....he's an alcoholc afterall and obviously not at a place where he's willing to deal with it....and unfortunately because that's likely the case....also not going to acknowledge the toll it took/takes on you. If he did that it would be tantamount to him admitting it's a problem.
So....he focuses on what YOU did, not what he's done. YOU hurt him, in his mind nothing he's done has been nearly as hurtful as your A to him. I know all too well the pain that comes with living with an alcoholic.....and there's a mountain of resentment that comes with it. Unfortunately Heather...until and IF your H ever reaches the place that he needs to in order to admit his drinking IS a problem....he won't acknowledge the pain he's put you through....and you have no control over that.
The two of you basically seem to be at a stalemate IMPO...and neither are going to budge. You want him to acknowledge his part in all of this (which I find very unlikely right now due to his current state) and he truly seems to me not to buy that you are honestly remorseful which will only keep his defenses up.
IMPO...you need to find a way to deal with your resentment towards him (as justified as it may be) if you want him to feel that you are remorseful. OR you have a few other choices...continue living the way you are now (stalemate), or make a clean break. It is painful to D, especially when kids are involved...but it can be the healthiest thing for all involved sometimes.
I'm sure this wasn't very helpful...just my 2-cents.
