Heather...I'm curious....have you communicated your understanding and regret of your "mistake" to your H the way you did to us in your post?
I know there are other issues in your M, such has H's drinking. What you wrote though impressed upon me very clearly that you do "get it" as far as the damage you caused due to your A. Often betrayed spouses find themselves feeling that the person who had the A just doesn't understand the pain they caused....they don't feel the sincerity from the other person that they need to (even though the spouse who had the A is trying to show remorse). Maybe he's stuck in that place too? Perhaps your resentment of him in other parts of your M is coming across to him as insincerity of your remorse?
I'm just trying to see both of the sides here to maybe clear away a stumbling block, so you can both move forward. My XH was an alcoholic, so I can imagine how my resentment of his drinking would come across....say if my current H was also an alcoholic. If my H (current) had put out the impression towards me that he was unhappy with me about oh, I don't know...anything really....when I found out what he'd been doing.....I wouldn't have bought for a minute that he was truly remorseful....or that he cared about how he'd really hurt me.
I see this as a stumbling block for many betrayed spouses on another BB I participate on too. Many betrayed spouses go on and on about "how can I believe he/she is really sorry for the A?" "How can I know he/she will never do this again when I don't think he/she gets how bad he/she hurt me?"
Not beating you up....it was just a thought that occured to me. I know you've apologized to him time and time again...I'm just wondering if your resentments of other things is keeping that sencerity from getting through to him.
