If this is the case and you are convinced of this, why are you still there? Is it for the kids? Is it to punish yourself? Is it because you don't know if you still love him or not? _________________________________________________________
After two years, what I want to know is, if my H really does care for me, why has he shown no empathy? He hasn't backed down on a single thing. Like I said above, I haven't heard any loving words in forever. For months after I revealed the A, I would tell him I loved him. It would fall on dead air so eventually I stopped saying it. I know I couldn't do this to him. Hell, I couldn't do this to myself! Why he's doing this to himself is beyond me. But, let's just say that I'm nowhere near convinced that my H gives a sh!t if I live or die. And I am absolutely *not* being melodramatic. If we separate, he'd only have the kids 50% of the time. ___________________________________________________________
You say you aren't being melodramatic. I believe you. What will it take for you to leave? It seems that H is showing you the door and waiting to see if you will walk through it but he won't say that he wants you to go because he doesn't know if he does or not. Is it just a point of honor that if you leave you will just prove him right? Are you hoping that at some point he will say, "Heather, I understand why you had the A?" I don't think that is likely to happen. He might someday understand that he had some responsibility in it but he will never understand why you did it.
I'm not trying to be a "b" Heather and I know that your situation sucks but I often get the feeling that you aren't there for any reason other than to prove H wrong in his thinking that you aren't trustworthy, that you aren't remorseful about the affair. Oh, he is sticking it to you big time but I think he doubts that you love him just as much as you doubt that he loves you. When you had your affair you did, in essence, "unchoose H", you haven't "rechosen him" either. If you are just plain done then give yourself and H the courtesy of saying so.
I'm not trying to berate you but I am suggesting that you need to decide if you are staying and why.
