I have to say nice job, because of the overall tone of your post. Man you have come a long way.
My actions did sabotage my R, I am painfully aware of that now. But intentionally?
exactly. it wasnt intentional. you didnt have the proper environmental training, nor the knowledge, nor the R skills. Therefore your W (or heathers H) isnt/wasnt doing it intentionally either. so while she is 50% responsible prior to the A, lets leave A's out of it. They are huge breaches of trust, and saying yes....but, and IF.... then is not acknowledging the A is 100% the offender. Its just wanting another loan from the bank right after you just defaulted. NOPE. Sorry. Trust first. Assurance that it wont happen again first, and THEN we can get back to the 50/50 issues that existed in the R. Well if your busy engaged in the same activity that you were before your A, then how can you add LU to the offended spouse? A haver obviously havent figured it out, so the action/reactions will remain the same.
All I wanted to do was say that in some cases, the real blame for the marriage failing may rest more squarely on the A offendee rather than the A offender Negative. I have no problem with a person leaving a bad spouse. its a decision. thats not what happens in a A. I dont even have a problem with 'open' R's. I dont think they are all that healthy, but they are not breaches of trust, they have honesty, and arent abusive.
