"It appears you are asking me for a rationalization for adultery. Thats not going to happen. Nice try on the two choice dilemma though."
Not at all. I do believe I had a very specific NOTE right after my question that said one mistake does not justify another. My question was not a two choice dilemma at all, but simply a question about magnitude of offense. It seems many like to villify the A offender whilst hiding the offendee behind "it was only 50% their fault." Well maybe sometimes it was 75% their fault, or 90% their fault.
NOTE: I am not saying this is the case in my relationship. If you think for a minute that I am attempting to foist excessive blame on my W for my own shortcomings, you haven't been reading my posts for awhile. All I wanted to do was say that in some cases, the real blame for the marriage failing may rest more squarely on the A offendee rather than the A offender. I'm not talking about anyone specifically, just an observation.
"So Chromo, prior to your A, were you choosing not to meet your W emotional needs, that you have now taken the time and gotten the help to understand and 'compute'?"
Well, as I have stated several times, in many convos I had with my W prior to the A she consistently stated she was happy about how things were going. My failing was in not insisting that my own happiness was as important as hers in our M. So no, I don't think I was choosing not to meet her emotional needs. I was choosing not to have mine met in favor of always trying to meet hers.
"Were you intentionally killing her sex drive with the supplicating and placating, and fear?"
Intentionally? So is what you are saying that because I am an emotional retard who was being supplicating and placating (as I thought would make her love me) that I deserved the loss of affection and intimacy? That because of my own fear of intimacy I deliberately sabotaged it with my W. You know, you are right about part of that. My actions did sabotage my R, I am painfully aware of that now. But intentionally?
"Now that you know them, are you doing a perfect job of it still?"
No I am not. I am still ruled by fear. I still gravitate toward placating and supplicating because I still fear hurting her more than anything else. I still make absolutely horrible choices about what I should do daily. The responsiblity for making my M work rests squarely on my shoulders and I am down on one knee under the weight that I should have the strength to handle but don't.
But I'm trying. And I will succeed ... eventually.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
