Quote: I expected to be called out on somethings in that post, but for you to say, he was 50% responsible and then to say, His verbal abuse ALONE, prior to her A, to me makes him the worst kind of offender is interesting. Seems like a emotional reaction to me.
Opinions usually are.
Quote: Thanks for the reaction though. Once again a F has remarked in no uncertain terms, her feelings on verbal abuse. I was verbally abusive, after the A, after our reconcil. I guess x was justified in escalating to a PA because of it. Oh wait, I was only 50% responsible. Cant take responsibility for her actions.
Yeah, I think verbal abuse sucks, from anyone, male or female. And I was talking about Heather, not about you. I never said Heather did not contribute to the state of her marriage. But it seems that she is the only one of the two who is willing to OWN and take responsibility for her behavior.
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I think her A was emotional abuse of the worse sort. She could verbally abuse me, and honestly she did during her A, and I let it roll off. It would prick and poke here and there, but ...<shrug>. So I verbally abused her, she emotionally abused me. Which is worse? You can choose to take gender sides, you can denigrate men for their feelings on A, call it ego, or childish, but since you cannot have empathy for what it does to a man, you can at least choose sympathy, that they are both major damages.
I don't think it is a matter of worse. And the damage done by A's are not gender specific, either. You certainly don't have to have an A to emotionally withdraw from a marriage, which to me is every bit as damaging as an A. Just my opinion, probably from an emotional base.
In any event, I think it takes two people to make a marriage, and two people to break it.
Quote: the very last comment in my post, I said he has much of the blame. Just because a womans feelings are not wrong, does not mean a mans feelings are wrong. They are both entitled to their feelings. I could be wrong that he feels this way. He is probably just a spiteful pr!ck, who hates Heather, and only showed the tremendous effort and will power to work on his alcohol issue so he could reel her back in to make her miserable and abuse her.
Unless I missed an update, I was under the impression he was still drinking. I did not say that his feelings were invalid. Didn't say they were. I am focusing on the positive with Heather in saying that... if she can, get out of limbo. Puts her in a whole different frame of mind, with a whole different perspective.
Quote: The choice comes when you learn what it is you can do, to move in a positive direction and make the other person start feeling good, or continue to make them feel bad.
