This was the most honest and IMO ( ) best post you have made in quite a while heather.


I even understand his desire to see me suffer. I'm just saying that I've had enough....and I don't have anything left to give

he does not 'need to see you suffer. Its not healthy for him. He is stuck in a negative emotional loop.

he needs your help stopping his negative and painful imagary. I know said you find this aspect of his 'childish' and that is a very apt description. That inner child was violently beaten by your A. That inner child wants justice. So how do you deal with a child?

When he is cruel and callous to you, Look at him (NOT, like you want to box with him) and say 'H.......Stop. Please.' If he doesnt.... walk away. show your pain. This is honest on your part and is setting up a boundary. Getting angry in return and saying things like...'shut your mouth' <grimace> give him more justification.


But there are still some very serious issues that he refuses to give on even when things are going better between us, like letting me sleep in the bed. I just can't get past that, ......I care about my integrity too and no baby step can possibly matter enough to negate that issue for me.

Saying I cant get past that is putting you in a loop.

Here is the fact and reality Heather. You are still there. Untill and unless you are willing to walk away because of the bed issue you are sabotoging yourself with making it about your integrity. I think it is more about pride, because of when and how you reacted the last time.

It is a issue. Your right its not fair. I noticed you just said he has to deal with the same thing.



About your son. Have you thought of enrolling him in karate class with or on the same night(s) as you? even if it was just one of the nights.
I dont know if your dojo mixes ages...


never really 'played' as a child...everything always had to be productive.....instead of 'playing' in the snow, I would shovel the driveway for fun...... I have always been very methodical

HA!!! I knew you were a warrior chick. <smug>

I remember when I was 6. I had this huge sandbox. The neighbor kids would come over to play, and they had there plastic shovels and buckets and would say stuff like,
'We are going to dig to china' <BF rolls his eyes.> 'You know even if you could dig all the way, through the molten rock, you wouldnt come out in china. Ill show you on my globe......

That didnt go over so well. So I went and got the real trowel and weeded the flower gardens.... to find worms and other bugs and chase the girls .....


See. I was always a jerk. Its not something new.

Lucky for me, women like that stuff. Either that or they were just using me for my sandbox. LOL.