Pfroglady:

LOVE those muscle relaxers, and anything else that makes you drowsy. I ran the gammet during those first couple months post bomb.

I'm so happy to hear you're handling this trip well. I'll bet as time goes on it'll get easier and easier. Right now I'll bet your major problem is just missing your H. Sounds like you guys have become really, really close. Like I've said before, you're my inspiration in the tricky art of forgiveness.

It's funny, for 14 years of our M H travelled a lot. For probably 10 of those years he'd be out of town for at least 3 days every week. He states he was faithful to me all that time. I believe him. Why not? He's bared his sole to me. As he said, "Why would I lie now?" At just about the time of the bomb, his job changed and he hasn't been away overnight once! A couple of weeks after the bomb he was supposed to go to a charity golf tournament. He cancelled without a word from me. That was pretty tough for him to do cuz it was business related. But the OW would've been there and he wasn't having any part of it. Then in January he was supposed to be away overnight, but was able to arrange to come home.

So, I think God must have been looking out for us. I think he was saying to my H, okay, it's time you confess to wifey, repent, and I'm gonna make sure you're around to make things more comfortable for her [Big Grin] .

Of course, not that it would make a whole lot of difference cuz the OW only lives 1.5 hrs from here and he made the drive several times. But it was the convenience of being away from home that made it easier for him, made him feel less guilty, I think.
It makes things easier for me, I guess, when I think of all my H has lost as a result of his A. He lost his dignity, respect for himself. He lost the picture he had of himself in his mind as to what kind of a man/husband he was. He lost the job he loved and valued so much (not because of the A, but I'm certain God had a hand it that and H thinks so, too). And then, of course, he thinks he's lost my trust, respect, love. Not completely true (lost some trust, yes). It's not that I'm gloating or feel good about it. It makes me feel compassion for him. It makes me want to comfort him. It helps to nurture my love for him.

I'd like to concentrate on OR now, but I'm not sure I should even bring that up right now. I think he needs to see I'm "getting over it" so he can start forgiving himself before he'll really be open to an OR talk. We do talk some at the MC, but I think he holds back a little there. He has a hard time verbalizing his emotions privately to me let alone in front of another person, and a man to boot!

Well, I really feel like I'm getting a handle on forgiving H. Yeah, the A still pops into my mind and I can feel myself spiraling downward, but it's getting so much easier to put it aside. I've adopted Lily's "Living in the Moment" attitude, along with Scarlet O'Hara's "I'll think about it tomorrow." The combination of the two are working quite well.

Hey, I think that's the title of my new thread "I'll think about it tomorrow" [Big Grin]

So look for me there from now on. This thread is getting too long.

Sleep well, my friend. Make your last conscious thought a loving thought of your H, as I'm sure your H will be having a loving thought of his wifey before drifting off.

Matilda