I hear you. H says he loves me -- thank God. He signed his MD card, "From you Hub -- who love you!" I guess it's because of his actions of the past, the A, which as our MC stated, is the most unloving thing a person can do. Also, cuz H has posed the question to himself, "How could I love W when I did those things?" MC says men compartmentalize and it was VERY possible to love me and still carry on with OW, especially if H truely felt that I didn't love him.
If you've been following my thread, you know that my H had an A 15 years ago. Also one of those "following his erection" type things. No emotion involved whatsoever. However, I found out about it at the same time I found out about the recent one. So I bounce back and forth between the two. Honestly, though I do not think about the one 15 years ago as much. Don't know why that is. But everything I think I have the most recent one handled my mind bounces me back to the first one. Having to deal with this almost too much to handle.
I have been trying your "living in the moment" recently, and it has helped. Helped me get through last Friday's D-day. Now, if I can stop trying to pick apart every little thing H does nor does do I'll really better off. I think because I put little tell-tale signs and my gut feelings aside last year during H's "bad time" that I'm overly sensative to any little thing right now.
I know you'd kill to hear your H say ILY. I know I should be more appreciative that my H does love me and tells me so. I wonder if you can understand just how hard it is to believe that sometimes -- to really feel it. Because quite honestly, it just doesn't feel the same. I hope my feelings of being cherished by him return someday. Maybe I'm asking the impossible.
