Glad you liked the scripture. We attended the Retrouvaille weekend and it is beneficial to anyone who has trouble communicating their thoughts/feelings with their spouse. I posted a little more about in my thread for anyone that is intersted in what it has to offer.
Unfortunatley this is my D-Day. 6 years ago to this very day I went out of town with our baby to show him off to some close frends. The W and the s.o.b met at a party for the Mexican Holiday, and things took off from there. They worked together so Im sure it was common knowledge I would be out of town for a few days. The thought of it starts my blood boiling. Im still doing somewhat ok, but things are looking kinda bleak. I know its still early in this recovery, and alot of people in the forums would like to be in my place, but that really doesnt help me too much. The W made the mistake of letting that guy come over to the house about 2 times, and you can guess what happened. All this 20 feet away from the room my baby was sleeping in. She also let that s.o.b play with and hold my son. The very idea of them rocking him to sleep so they could be together is something Im not handling very well at all. While the whole A is bad enough, I cant digest the notion of her letting this come into our house. Luckily we dont live there anymore, but its still the same. I totally hit rock bottom when this consumes me. Such a shame too. She isnt the same person, nor am I, but its a part of the past Ive yet to let go of, and dont know if I ever will. I cant believe she sacrificed the well-being of our son, the chance for him to grow up in a family instead of a broken home, just b/c she was lonely. I worked nights so he wouldnt have to be placed in daycare, and watched him from 6:00 a.m. till she got home at 3:00 to take over then worked till midnight, and started the whole routine over again the next day. I did something most fathers I knew at the time wouldnt even consider. Most of them had their children in daycare, but not me. And look where it got me. I dont ever regret having watched him like so for the first 3 years of his life, for I cherish the memories of changing diapers, feeding him, etc. I just cant stomach the notion she didnt see or appreciate what I was doing, then turned around and took full advantage of me working nights and let an 8 month long A develop, just b/c she was lonely and wanted attention. Like it wasnt hard on me, or I wasnt lonely during the day. Piss on her. Damn this makes me so furious. On top of that the 15-20 times they met guess who watched him? My mother. How she could look her in the eyes(a wonderful lday my mother is), drop him off and come pick him back up without feeling the least bit of remorse is totally beyond me. I know I dont sound too positive here and Im sorry for posting this in your thread, but the anniversary date just brings out the worse in me.
I supposedly will be moving to another city about 4 hours away at the first of the year for a new job. I have promised myself that I will give it to then to see if it will work out. Im not as optimistic as she is, even after the Retrouvaille weekend. I guess that since Im only 30, and Ive read where men arent afraid of starting over as much as women, the idea of doing so doesnt really bother me. Other than not being there every day for my child. I didnt do anything wrong here and now I stand the chance of not being an every day father for her lack of judgement. She has said she wouldnt fight me over the kid, but he has grown too attached to her over time, and of course he doesnt remember the hours I spent taking care of him as a baby. This pains my heart to no end, for I wouldnt take him away from her, Im not that cold-hearted. I will be going to day shift in about a week, so Ill have more time to spend with him and her. Who knows, maybe things will get better. Ive not been in a good mood though at all today. Her and the son are going to her mom's tonight for a b-day for her nephew. I called her at work and asked her to stay the night over there, for I dont believe I'll be in a very good mood when I get home tonight. She was surprised in a way, but I thought it to be for the best. I dont feel like going off on her and watching her cry tonight, but I have been having problems controlling my anger here of late, and Im afraid it might get the best of me tonight.
Ive told her she needs to find someone who will love her for who she has become, not who she was. She will have no part of it. I sometimes wish she would just let me go.
Im terribly sorry for posting such a dreary response on your thread. I meant to get on mine and do so but I got carried away it seems. Maybe I'll have something more positive to say after the D-Day weekend is over. Maybe I should go back and read the scripture I left for you .
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